BY JESSE JOSE

A Cup O' Kapeng Barako

N oynoy!  Noynoy!  Noynoy!  The poor people of the Philippines, the masa, that is, scream their hearts out.  Noynoy!  Noynoy!  Noynoy!  They chant with reverence.  How sad….

Wherever he goes, the people reach out to him.  Noynoy!  Noynoy!  Noynoy!  How truly sad ...

Y’all know whom I am talking about, right?  That’s right: that Noynoy, the only son and panganay of Ninoy and Cory Aquino among a brood of daughters.

It’s said that he’s going to be the next President of the "Land of 'WaWa We'.”  The people there said that he’s their “salvation.” And that he’s going to bring the changes that are sorely needed to the Motherland.  They said he’s NOT corrupt and that he’s going to wipe out the blatant corruption and poverty that pervades in the "Land of 'WaWA We'."

They said he’s THE anointed one! They said he’s got the genes of Ninoy, “the martyr” and Cory, “the saint.” Yada, yada.

Recent polls and surveys revealed that Noynoy is leading the presidential field. You know what? I think the reason for his popularity is through name recall only.  President Cory Aquino, his mother, the popular and much-revered “praying saint” of the Filipino people, recently died. And at the heels of her death was the commemoration of the anniversary of the assassination of his father, Senator Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino, the “martyr.”

So, okay, he’s the son of a “martyr” and a “saint.”

But what are Noynoy’s accomplishments?  From what I’ve read about him in all his years as a Congressman, he was merely a BACKBENCHER, who didn’t have a single bill attached to him!

Yeah, in other words, while in Congress, Noynoy didn’t do anything …

But sat on his lazy butt!

Also, when there was this recent GREAT FLOOD all over Metro Manila and the outlying provinces that Typhoon ONDOY caused, where was Noynoy?  Hindi makita. Siguro, takot sa baha.  Baka, hindi marunong lumangoy. Or probably, he didn’t want his pants to get wet and his shoes to be muddied.  Pero, kahit na, pakitang tao man lamang sana. Just to show the people that he’s with them, in sharing with their tragedies ...  

HACIENDA LUISITA: Hey, do y’all know that the Aquinos, from Noynoy’s great grandfather, Jose Cojuangco, Sr., did not own the much-ballyhooed, Hacienda Luisita, and I am going to quote here the widely-read Philippine newspaper, the “National Inquirer.”

“The Aquinos were ‘dummies’ of the government.  They were given $2.12-million from the Central Bank and P3.98-million from the GSIS to buy Hacienda Luisita, on the condition that the land would be distributed to the farmers in 10 years, or by 1968, at the latest …”

Forty-one years later, the Inquirer revealed that Noynoy cited “labor trouble and debts for the reason not to distribute the land by 1968” under the conditions for his great-grandfather’s acquisition of Hacienda Luisita.

“It’s a well-known historical fact,” the Inquirer asserted.  And it opined that Noynoy’s morality campaign and his family’s goody-goody image is merely a “BIG LIE …”

And the campaign’s “BIGGEST SHAM.”

When I visited the “WaWa We Land,” a few weeks ago, I had an interesting tee-a-tee with the husband of one my wife’s closest friend, Corazon, who is a school principal at a Christian school in Quezon City.  Her husband, Froilan, is a lawyer and a former judge in one of the districts of Metro Manila. But because of “death threats” he had received, he resigned his position as a judge and now works as a Public Defender for Quezon City.

Over dinner at his home in Kamuning, Q.C., we talked about Philippine politics. I asked him who he thinks is going to be the next President of the Philippines. 

Without hesitation, he said. “Teodoro.” 

And why is that?

“Because,” Froilan said, “he’s Uncle Sam’s choice.  Kung sino ang susuportahan ng America, yun ang magiging presidente ng Pilipinas.”

AMERICA IN THEIR HEARTS: Froilan ardently believes that it’s NOT Noynoy that America supports, but Defense Secretary Gilbert “Gibo” Teodoro, Jr. 

And why is that?

“Because Teodoro is a TUTA (lap dog) of America,” Froilan said. “Just like Arroyo is a tuta of America.  And Cory was a tuta of America.  And Ramos was a tuta of America.  So was Marcos was a tuta of America. Well, at first, Marcos was, but his head got too big and he stayed too long in power and his wife, Imelda, didn’t know when to stop accumulating those shoes … that America finally got fed up and ran them both out of town.”

“All these Philippine Presidents had America in their hearts … and had been brainwashed and mentored by America,” Froilan said. “Ramos was a West Point graduate and a soldier of America. Arroyo studied in the United States and was an erstwhile classmate of Bill Clinton, at Yale, I believe. And Cory had lived in Boston, Massachusetts, for years. When she became the President, she had said several times that “Boston is my home and that’s where I want to go and live when I retire ...”

“And, Marcos was a FilVet during the Second World War, who fought for America,” said Froilan. “He led a group of guerilla fighters … and as you know, he was the THIEF, who stole Yamashita’s treasures.”

Hmmmm.

“With Teodoro, do you know that he has a GREEN CARD?” Froilan said. “And that he has a Masters Degree in International Law at Harvard and has a license to practice law in New York …”

“And the reason,” Froilan said, shifting his discourse, “Cory Aquino won so easily and handily the presidency was because at that point in time even if a monkey would run against Marcos, the monkey would win. And Cory naturally was better than Marcos or a monkey!”

So, dear readers, who do you think is gonna win the 2010 presidency in the "Land of 'WaWa We'"?  Noynoy, Gibo, or a monkey? JJ