By Jesse Jose

A Cup O' Kapeng Barako

I love watching beautiful women parade their wares. 

So, when the recent Miss Universe pageant came on TV, I stayed up late to watch the show. And it was worth it.  Talking about beautiful women and legs galore, sexy bodies and enchanting faces and all kinds of galore ... boy, I tell ya, I was going bananas salivating all these galore of wares that these women had.  

My favorite was Miss Brazil.  I also liked Miss Colombia and Miss Venezuela and Miss Australia.  In fact, I liked them all – all 83 of them.  I kind of like Miss Philippines, too, of course.  But Miss Venus Raj wasn't my type.  To me, she looked anorexic and too thin, with a rounded face, shaped like a hopya.

It surprised the heck out of me that she even made it to the finals and finished as Fourth Runner-Up. Siguro maganda siya sa personal, but on TV, she ain't that hot to look at.  Dear Readers, I have a strange taste on how a woman should look like. So don't take my word here, literally. My type is the she-devil type and the type who's luscious all over. A temptress in looks and a tempest in bed. 

B ut let's move on, ha? ... and talk about Miss Raj.

So, when THE question came, the final question and the answer that would decide who's going to wear the crown that night, the question for Miss Raj came from one of the randomly-selected judges, Actor William Baldwin, and the question was:     

"What is one big mistake you made in your life and what did you do to make it right?"

And, this is Miss Raj's answer: "THANK YOU so much for that question. You know what, Sir, in my 22 years of existence, I can say there is nothing MAJOR, MAJOR, I mean problem, that I have done in my life.  Because I am very confident with my family and the love that they are giving me.  So THANK YOU so much that I am here.  THANK YOU, THANK you so much."

Susmaryusep!  Say what?  Carabao English 'to, eh.

And she graduated cum laude from a private, exclusive school in the Philippines?  Diosme naman, anong klaseng eskuwelahan naman yan?  Hindi kaya Iskul Bukul sa Be Cool? 

At saka ang daming "thank you" ang sinabi.  Style yan sa ASAP, that musical show on ABS-CBN, where all the Pinoy actors and actresses would say, "maraming-maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat, dahil pinanood ninyo ang pelikula namin, lalung-lalo na kay yada, yada, maraming-maraming salamat ... at kay blah-blah-blah, maraming-maraming salamat din...."

And the use of "Sir" in her answer: Only restaurant servers and hotel clerks at mga tsimoy at tsimay lang sa atin use that word, "Sir," in answering questions.

And to say that "in my 22 years of existence ... there is nothing major, major, I mean, problem that I have done in my life."

Again, what the heck are you saying, girl? 

Q uoting the words of Diane Sawyer, ABC's prime time news anchor, "She's never made any mistakes in her life before?  Is she Miss Little Perfect?"

Come on now, Ms. Sawyer. Don't be too harsh on her. Perhaps, she didn't understand too well the question that was posed to her.   Perhaps, her English was deficient. Perhaps, she was awfully nervous that she lost her poise and composure. Kaya, nagkandabaluktok ang English. It can happen if you're NOT a native speaker of the English language, you know. It had happened to me plenty of times. Especially, when I am angry or distraught or whatever.

Or perhaps, she's more fluent with Taglish (a combination of Tagalog and English), which is really the usual way of talking in the Philippines, especially among the so-called "in-na-in" crowd.

Perhaps, what she meant to say was: "I've made a lot mistakes in my life, but the uncompromising love and support of my parents, who were always there for me no matter what, had allowed me to overcome those mistakes. I suppose I am a lucky girl to have loving parents such as them ..." 

Or, something like that, anyway. Something that makes a little bit of sense.

Or, she could have asked for an interpreter, just like what Miss Mexico did, who answered the question posed to her in her native tongue.  She won the title despite of that. With that interpreter by her side, Miss Raj could have spoken in Taglish. Or, whatever language she would be comfortable speaking. Nothing wrong in admitting that your English is not that good.

What was wrong, I think, was her deficiency in speaking the English language, and her inability to say correctly what she meant.

A lot of could haves ... Sayang, many Filipinos all over the globe have said. "Miss Hopya" or "Miss Little Perfect" or "Venus" to many, could have been the "Miss Universe" 

Sayang, indeed.  

"Miss Hopya" man o hindi, well, she won the world title of "Miss Little Perfect," thanks to Diane Sawyer. JJ