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Home Columns A Cup O' Kapeng Barako Okey Ngarud, mga Pare, Mag-dyok Muna Tayo …
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Columns - A Cup O' Kapeng Barako
Thursday, 02 July 2009 14:26

L ast week in my column, “The Yellows and the Greens …” I promised that I’ll have a “funny” story, too, about Michelle Obama, for that “slutty flight attendant look” of Sarah Palin that David Letterman, the Cretin, cracked on his late-night show and that the Right had fun laughing about. I always try my very best to keep a promise.  So, here it is.  Enjoy:

 

A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin and asked, “How did the human race start?”  Sarah Palin answered: “God made Adam and Eve.  They had children.  And so was all mankind made.”

 

Two days later, the girl wrote to Michelle Obama and asked the same question.  Michelle Obama answered: “Many years ago, there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”

 

The confused girl went to her father and said, “Dad, how is it possible that Sarah Palin told me that the 'human race was created by God,' and Michelle Obama said that 'they were evolved from the monkeys'.”

 

Her father answered, “Well, honey, it is really very simple.  Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors and Michelle Obama told you about hers . . .”

 

Ha, ha, ha, ha … I love it!   You know what?  If I had a little girl as precocious as this girl and she asked me that same question, I’d said the same EXACT thing, too.  I kid you not. 

 

Now … am I a racist for saying that?  I believe in calling a spade a spade.  If that’s being a racist, so be it.  I am a racist.  I am no HYPOCRITE though.   (That dyok, by the way, was sent to me by “tdb,” a cyberspace friend from Richmond, Virginia).

 

Author's Note: The jokes, as edited and reproduced in this article, have been circulating on the Internet. The authors are unknown.

 

THE HARLEY–DAVIDSON FACTS: Here’s another one from this friend of mine.  This is a debate that Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, had with God, when he died and went to heaven.

 

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven.”

 

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.  So St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.  God recognized Arthur at once and said, “Oh, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?”

 

Arthur said, “Yeah, that’s me …”

 

God commented, “Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?”

 

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, “Excuse me, but aren’t you the Inventor of woman?”

 

God said, “Ah, yes.”

 

“Well,” said Arthur, “Professional to professional, you have some major flaws in your invention.  (Readers, since it’s not possible for me to illustrate the flaws, please use na lang your imagination).

 

“One: there’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension!

“Two: It chatters constantly at high speeds!

“Three: Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much!

“Four: The intake is placed way too closed to the exhaust!

“And five: The maintenance costs are outrageous!” “Hmmm, you may have some good points there,” replied God.  “Hold on …”

 

God went to his Celestial Supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.  The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

 

“Well, it may be true that MY INVENTION is flawed,” God said to Arthur.  “But according to these numbers, a lot more men are riding MY INVENTION than yours!”

 

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!  God, He’s so precious.  He’s got the greatest sense of humor of all.

 

SOME PINOY DYOKS: Siempre, kung may dyoks ang mga Kano, may dyoks din ang mga Pinoy … at mas grabe pa sa sarap, lalung-lalu na kung Erap dyok.  Here’s one, also told from heaven:

 

One day, Erap dreamt that he died and went to heaven.  St. Peter gave him Ai-Ai delas Alas as partner, saying, “Kung mabait ka sana, mas maganda ang partner mo.”

 

Erap saw Chavit with Gretchebn Barretto and said, “Bakit si Chavit, mas maraming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?”

 

Iho,” St. Peter said.  Parusa yan kay Gretchen….”

 

A nd here’s another, kausap naman ni Erap ay ang Cardinal ng simbahan:

 

Erap to Cardinal: “Hanggang ngayon galit pa ang simbahan sa akin.  This is unfair.”

 

Cardinal: “Why did you say that?”

 

Erap: “Meron Sabado de GLORIA, Sagrado de CORAZON, at Domingo de RAMOS.  Bakit ako wala???  Eh, I was also a president.”

 

Cardinal (After a careful thought): “Okay, from now on, yours is ASS Wednesday!”

 

He, he, he.  Y’all don’t get me wrong now, I like Erap.  He used to be my hero during my kanto-boy days in Kamias, Quezon City.

 

BABAE, SEXY, GUSTONG MAGDEMANDA: I always save the best for last.  Padala sa akin ni Don Azarias ‘to, a fellow DOM and a fellow MegaScene columnist from the windy and chilly city of Chicago.  Don is a real cool guy, I think … at macho-looking pa, especially with those Elvis Presley dark glasses that he likes to wear.  Here’s the dyok:

 

ATTORNEY: “Ano? Idedemanda mo ang boss mo ng sexual harrassment!!! Dahil lang sinabihan kang mabango ang buhok mo!!!  Ano masama doon?”

 

SEXY GIRL:  Torni, UNANO ang boss ko … UNANO!!!”

 

Ha, ha, ha, ha!  O, sige ngarud, dear readers … till next week.  Y’all have a safe and a Happy July Fourth.  JJ

 

  


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Last Updated on Thursday, 02 July 2009 14:54
 
Comments (5)
1 Friday, 03 July 2009 06:02
Pahabol sa "Mga Pinoy Dyoks:"

Genie: Dahil pinalaya mo ako, may 3 wishes ka!
Man: UNA Gawin mo akong rich, pero di bayad ng tax;
PANGALAWA powerful, pero di halata;
PANGATLO notorious, pero walang sabit.
Genie: Okay, mula ngayon ikaw na si Mike Arroyo.

* * *

Sgt: Boss, nakatakas si Al-Ghozi.
Ebdane: Huh! Did you seal all exits?
Sgt: Yes, sir!
Ebdane: Eh paano siya nakatakas?
Sgt: Doon po kasi siya lumabas sa entrance.

* * *

A COW Story

America has COWboy and COWgirl

England has madCOW

China has MaCOW

Russia has MosCOW

Philippines has politicians magnanaCOW

* * *

Erap: "Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone!"
Doc: "Is it choking?"
Erap: "No, it is Max's."
Doc: "I don't mean 'Chow King', I mean, are you choking?...."
Erap: " JOking?No, Doc! Serioso ako, Doc!"
2 Sunday, 05 July 2009 05:43
Hello Don et al,

I mentioned you and "tdb" in my column this week. Pero, Yoly T. censored it. "Racist" daw and "distasteful" and "discriminatory" ang column ko ngayon.

Kaya nga tinawag na BARAKO column, eh. But Yoly ain't buying that. Oh, well ... kaya, y'all enjoy na lang dito or read it on Bobby Reyes's on-line magazine, www.mabuhayradio.com.

Jesse
3 Sunday, 05 July 2009 05:45
Pareng Jesse,

I can't figure out why this got censored by Yoly. Compared to your other published columns, this is tame. Maybe you should resubmit it for further consideration. This is a literary gem with a homespun flavor from Jesse Jose's prolific pen.

BTW, I'm currently in New York for the 4th of July weekend. I'll make an appeal to Yoly when I get back to Illinois. Your readers will be go hog-wild when they read it.

Pareng Don
4 Sunday, 05 July 2009 05:46
Hi, Jesse and Don,

What is strking in this tale is that it provokes questions about the true origin of man. It alludes to Darwin's theory of evolution versus that of the Church on creationism. A topic of enduring interest. Anecdotes like this have been in circulation already before this Barako version, and hints at the scientific against the religious approaches to the story of the first romantic encounter in the world--Adam and Eve.

Lourdes
5 Sunday, 05 July 2009 05:48
Hello Lourdes,

Ahhhh .... That was a refreshing, intelligent, sensitive comment. You've gained my admiration, my dear Lourdes. It' so sad that my Bestpren, Yoly couldn't see beyond the BULL of that so-called dyok, which according to her is "racist." My dear friend, Ting, felt the same way, too, and told me in no uncertain terms that instead of dubbing Michelle Obama, a monkey look-alike, I should have used my mother as the monkey look-alike.. But my mother does not look like a monkey; she's beautiful. I am sorry to say, but MO looks like a monkey to me. I don't know how Ting's mother looks like. I bet she's a Filipina beauty, too, like her.

Now, as to that "UNANO" dyok. My bestfriend said that that was "distasteful" and "discriminatory." In essence, my wife said the same thing. Her words were: "Disgusting! A typical Filipino, dirty old men, joke."

Well, UNANOS are facts of life in this world. They exist ... and the whole world have accepted their existence. And the men amongst them are just like us, normal-sized human beings, with desires and wants exactly just like ours. And really, I consider them LUCKY that they're down there and are able to sniff at the scent of a woman's essence on their feet! Whereas, we, the so-called normal-sized beings, have to kneel down in front of a woman and beg like a dog to get a real good sniff!!

Y'all have a safe and Happy July Fourth weekend.

Jesse

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