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Dec 11th
Home Columns A Cup O' Kapeng Barako On Filipino Laughter, a Catholic Dyok, and the Real Reason Obama Won
On Filipino Laughter, a Catholic Dyok, and the Real Reason Obama Won PDF Print E-mail
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Columns - A Cup O' Kapeng Barako
Saturday, 01 December 2012 20:19

 

 

By Jesse Jose

A Cup O' Kapeng Barako
 

A day without laughter is a day wasted.  Y'all know who said that, right?  Dolphy, the Philippines’ most-endearing and enduring comedian.  Panahon pa ng Hapon, he was already making us, Filipinos, laugh ... till his passing away a few months ago. 

 

He was an institution as a comedian, and he's greatly missed in the Motherland.  His antics and dyoks were really typically Filipino.  What I really like about his dyoks was that he made us laugh at ourselves as Filipinos. An act that many Filipinos wouldn't dare do, as it would lower daw our prestige in the global scene as Filipinos. 

 

Because, the Pinoy daw is angat sa mundo. And that to tell dyoks about our Filipino-ness is anti-Filipino daw. Hogwash! To me, our inability to laugh at ourselves is a sure sign of insecurity and inferiority. But let's talk about that another day.  Today, let's laugh muna.

     

BLACK FRIDAY: It's been a week now since Thanksgiving and the whole week has been called "Black Friday."  Why?  Beat the heck out of me.  From what I understand, it's the week for shopping at all the malls all over America, because all the prices of merchandise, from electronics to clothes, are all way down low.

 

But why is this week called a "Black Friday" when only a few days ago, it was Thanksgiving Day?  A day of thanking the Lord for all the blessings and for the "goodies" that we all continue to receive from Him.


"Black Friday" to me, sounds like a word of mourning, when actually it's a the whole week for cheap shopping.


I don't wanna think too much today, speculating on weird words, weird things and weird feelings.  I wanna continue the laughing and the telling of dyoks with family and friends during that day a week ago that Americans call, "Happy Turkey-Eating-With-Lots-Dyoking Day, commonly known as Thanksgiving Day.


Also, as I told a couple of cyberspace friends, named TDB and Ray B, who both "industriously" send me dyoks to laugh about, I'd like to incorporate a couple of their dyoks into my next Kapeng Barako column, and I don't wanna renege on my palabra de honor. 

 

I think they're good dyoks, real good dyoks, dyoks that are good for the health and well-being of old farts like me  

 

And they're not really DOM dyoks.  Dirty jokes become dirty only when one has a dirty mind.  Well, I am not saying that I don't have a dirty mind and I don't love dirty jokes.  I do!  But I also know how to separate the chaff from the grain of jokes, dirty or not.  I better stop blabbering, ha?

 

A CATHOLIC COFFEE DYOK: So, okay, here's the dyok sent by Ray, titled "Catholic Coffee Morning in Rome."  There was a short note by Ray, which reads: "A friend shared this ... I think you're going to smile after reading it." I not only smiled, ILMFAO! 

 

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter Square in Rome.

 

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a Priest.  When he walks into a room, everyone calls him, "Father."

 

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop.  When he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace."

 

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.  When he enters an room, everyone says, "Your Eminence."

 

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope.  When he walks into room, people call him, "Your Holiness."

 

The four men then smilingly turn their heads to the lone Catholic woman, sipping her coffee in silence and ask her, "Well ...?"

 

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter.  When she walks into a room, people say ... "Oh, My God!"

 

As my buddy, Ed Navarra, NaFFAA's CEO, would respond to dyoks: Bwahahahahaha.  Or, in short, LMFAO. 

 

A PINOY DYOK: That dyok above reminds of this Pinoy dyok, and of a Pinoy writer daw, who's also a friend/nemesis and bantering buddy.  It went like this:

 

Two Pinoys, Mang Tomas and Mang Yusep, were having a typical Pinoy conversation.

 

Mang Tomas: "Ang galing ng aso ko.  Tuwing umaga habang nagkakape ako, dinadala niya sa akin ang tsinelas at diario ko."

 

Mang Yusep: "Alam ko."

 

Mang Tomas: "Ha?  Papaano mo nalaman?"

 

Mang Yusep: "Sabi ng aso ko."

 

Hey JGL, get mo ba?  Hehehe.  You remind of Mang Yusep.

 

OBAMA'S FART: Now, here's the one sent by TDB, titled "President Obama and Queen Elizabeth."  He said it's "one of the best jokes to come along, and it's not even political." 

 

As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport in London, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

 

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of Central London, where they board a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.

 

They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets.  All is going well.

 

Suddenly, the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-shattering fart ever heard in the whole British Empire.  The smell is so atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses.

 

The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their darn best to ignore the incident. 

 

The Queen turns to President Obama, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets ... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

 

Obama, always trying to be presidential, replied: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought ...

 

"Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."

 

THE REAL REASON OBAMA WON: I responded to TDB's dyok, and said:

 

"TDB, was it the Queen who farted?  Was it the horse?  Or, was it Obama?  Surely, it was Obama who farted on the Queen.  Just like the way he farted on Romney during their third and final debate.  Kaya nahilo si Romney sa baho and thus, lost the debate, and consequently the presidential elections.  I think that's how BHO won.  He's got that awesome "horrendous, earth-shattering" farty power to turn things around to his favor.  And that power, I heard, was given to him by his Kenyan grandma."

 

I also told TDB that, "I like dyoks that make laugh and fart.  For it's healthy for an old fart like me."  TDB agreed.  You see, TDB is an MD and also an old fart like me, so he knows.  He also sent this poem that sounds like a medical prescription:

 

Laugh often, long and loud...

Laugh until you gasp for breadth,

And if you have friends who make you laugh,

Spend lots of time with them. 

 

"A day without laughter is a day wasted," said Dolphy. And Dolphy got to live his prolific life into a ripe old age, mistresses and bastardes galore in his tracks. So okay, I know this story is kind of corny, but laugh nevertheless, fellow Barakos, because to laugh for our health is not corny at all.  Bwahahahaha, that's all.  JJ



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Last Updated on Monday, 03 December 2012 15:40
 

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