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Sep 25th
Home Columns A Cup O' Kapeng Barako Pakyaw! Pakyaw! Laos na si Pakyaw! (Pacquiao Is Already a Has-been)
Pakyaw! Pakyaw! Laos na si Pakyaw! (Pacquiao Is Already a Has-been) PDF Print E-mail
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Columns - A Cup O' Kapeng Barako
Wednesday, 13 June 2012 21:13


By Jesse Jose

A Cup O' Kapeng Barako


M anny Pacquiao (AKA Pakyaw) lost!


I was reading the latest novel of John Grisham, Calico Joe, on the kitchen table when my son, Jonathan, announced quietly from the TV room: "Pakyaw lost."  When my wife heard that, she said, "Pakyaw lost?"  Then she repeated  the announcement to me: "Hoy, Pakyaw lost!"


I looked up from Grisham's book, looked at her, smiled my crooked smile and made my own announcement: "Pakyaw lost, because he's LAOS."  Then I went back to reading Calico Joe. 


So ... a LUMPO beat Pakyaw and took his title away.  After all the media hype, that's all it took to take away the WBA welterweight crown and title from Pakyaw.  Someone from the backwoods of California and unknown pa as a boxer. And to top that, while fighting Pakyaw, this underdog, named Tim Bradley got his left foot broken in the second round ... then injured his right in the fifth.  But he fought on.


I have the strong suspicion that Pakyaw did that.  Anything goes in a fight.  You've got to do what you got to do to win.  Survival of the fittest, ika nga ... and of the sneakiest.  Surely Pakyaw is a smart guy, a fighter with lots of tricks at his disposal.  And he has used them with a mighty fine finese. 


After the fight, Bradley, as we've seen in news photos, was wheeled out on a wheelchair with grotesquely swollen feet.  And said during a brief interview: "I heard my left foot snap in the second round, and then I injured my right in the fifth...."


BRADLEY: I DIDN't FEEL PAKYAW'S POWER: He also said, "I thought I won the fight.  I didn't think he was as good as everyone says he was.  I didn't feel his power."


Pakyaw has no power?  Pakyaw is a wimp?  Hmmm. 


What about the steroids?  It didn't work for him this time?  Hmmm.  I heard that the fight did not start on time because Pakyaw had to watch first the NBA play-off game between Miami Heat and Boston Celtics.  Perhaps in his excitemenrt that the Miami Heat had won, he forgot to take the wonder drug, ha? 


You see, Pakyaw roots for the Miami Heat, because the coach, Erik Spoelstra  is a Filipino daw.  And Pakyaw is a proud Filipino, who believes in TFC's (The Filipino Channel) mantra na: "Da best ang Pilipino saan man sa mundo."  Okey ngarud, approve, sige na, da bess na tayo.


AN EMAIL FROM JGL: Anyway ... when the blabbering of Pakyaw's loss began, Bobby Reyes, the publisher and editor of the online publication,, wrote an email to all the DOMS and posted past controversial stories on the Internet that he wrote about Pakyaw, the latest of which was Did the Pacquiao-Bradley Bout‘s Judges Use the Sorsoganon “Pierde-Gana” Rule &/or Quantum Physics in Scoring It? . I wrote this response:


LOLO Bobby,

My next story will be titled: "Laos na si Pakyaw!"  When he was fighting pipitsugin Mexican boxers, it was written and opined by many Filipino journalists that they were "clean" fights, and that none were "fixed" and that the "mob" was not involved at all, and that Pakyaw was the "best boxer in the world." 


Now that Pakyaw lost this fight against an unknown boxer, these same Filipino journalists are now saying that the "mob was involved" and that the "judges were on the take and incompetent" and that it was "fixed."   LOL.  I'll have fun writing this story.  Okey ngarud, take care. 



It was JGL, who responded to my email.  Out of the blue, after a year or so, my long lost friend and critic, and bantering buddy, and my favorite sparring partner in exchanging witty, hard-hitting punches, Joseph G. Lariosa's (JGL, for short) name flashed on my computer screen with this email:


JJ: Matagal nang laos si Manny Paquiao.  Noon ko pa siya pina-reretire para ma-keep niya ang kanyang kinita at ma-enjoy niya.  Pero, pag maglalaban si Manny at si Mayweather, kay Manny pa rin ako pupunta.  My $500 bet with you at one-on-one odds stands.  Take care. JGL




Hello JGL ... Long time, no hear.  Thanks for your email.  Sorry, I didn't get to reply to you right away.  I've been getting lots of emails lately from my Kapeng Barako critics and fans and I've been writing back to them.   So, how's everything with you, my friend?  And how's everything in Chicago?  How are the DOMS and the DAMS?


As to Pakyaw: It looks like a mere LUMPO kicked the shit out of him.  Eh papaano na lang kung si Marywweather ang makakalaban niya?  Baka isang suntok lang, tulog na si Pakyaw. 


You're right about telling him to retire na.  It's time for him to pursue his other dream: to be the president of the WaWa We Land.  If Pee-Noy can do it, I am sure Pakyaw can do it, too.  He's got a lot of Filipino fans, world-wide.  He's a national hero in Pinas.  Filipinos idolize him.  They grovel at his feet and they hallelujah him.  He's a Filipino god and Filipinos adore and worship him.  To me, that's so kadiri to death. 


You're one of them who treats this illiterate boksingero as a mighty god, aren't you?


But it's good to know that you've finally realized that Pakyaw now needs to retire.  Bago pa siya magulpi ni Maryweather!  And if I were you, my friend, I won't be betting and putting in jeopardy my hard-earned $500.  Because surely, Pakyaw will lose and you'll be a loser, too, of your $500.  That's a large sum of money to bet on a sure loser, my friend. 


No, I refuse to take that money away from you! 


I am giving you this advice as a friend, JGL, my good friend. Keep the money. Wait and watch for the so called "fixed" rematch na lang between Bradley and Pakyaw.  Pakyaw wil lose AGAIN, I am sure, but he'll make lots of money. Make sure to have lots of hankies with you to wipe your tears away, dahil tapos na at laos na si Pakyaw. 


Next step para sa kanya is politics.  He's now a Congressman of his province.  He's got plans to run for Governor next. He'll easily win. Then President of the Philippines, the Land of Wawa We. Surely, he'll win that, too, ha? 


Or, he can be the Army General of the Philippine Armed Forces.  Di ba Lieutenant. Colonel na siya ngayon?  Who knows he might be the next Lapu-Lapu in the fight against the Chinese "invaders" of the Scarborough Shoal?  Then, he'll truly be a great national hero of the Motherland, perhaps. even greater than Jose Rizal, ha? 


Okey ngarud, JGL, you take care know and send my regards to all the DOMS of Chicago.  JJ 


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