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Mar 27th
Home Columns A Cup O' Kapeng Barako The Iowa Caucuses ... and Sen. Joe Biden's One-Liners
The Iowa Caucuses ... and Sen. Joe Biden's One-Liners PDF Print E-mail
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Columns - A Cup O' Kapeng Barako
Thursday, 03 January 2008 12:20
Today is the much-awaited Iowa caucuses.  By the time you've read this, it'd be Friday.  The caucuses would be all over.  We would all know who the winner is ... and America's attention would already be in New Hampshire for its primaries.  But right now, according to polls, for the Democrats, Senators Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York and Barack Hussien Obama of Illinois are neck-and-neck in the race.  Whereas John Edwards, a former senator of North Carolina, is right in there, close at the heels of Clinton and Obama. 


The others are just "saling pusa" na lang.


For the Republicans, it's a toss-up between two former governors: Mitt Romney of Massachusetts and Mike Huckabee of Arkansas.  As y'all know, Romney is a former Mormon pastor; Huckabee is a former southern Baptist minister. 


These two are squaring it off toe to toe.   Both claim to be more Christian than the other; closer to Jesus than the other.  Their followers chant: "Our Jesus is BETTER than your Jesus."  I suppose the group with the better Jesus will win this race.


Who's gonna be their party's nominee, I dunno for sure.  It's been said over and over again though by pundits and talk heads that whoever would win in the Iowa caucuses would be THE party's presidential nominee.  These caucuses, they say, will sway the whole country and point out who's gonna be the choice of the party.


That's a bunch of B.S., I think.


In Iowa, ONLY 6% of its population go to caucuses.  And Iowa has a population of about 2.9 million people and majority are farmers.  These bunch of farmers are telling America who's gonna be the nominees of the two major parties ... and one of them the next leader of the most powerful nation in the world? 




As one political analyst said: "Just as nonrepresentative as Iowa is of the country, Iowa caucusgoers are nonrepresentative of Iowa as a whole."


Also, check this out: I really don't think Senator Barack Hussien Obama will win in Iowa.  Most of the people are Christian Conservatives there ... and RURAL Whites.  I really don't think, these people would want a BLACK MAN, with a Muslim name, to be America's president, do you? 


Nor, would they want a MORMON, would they?


I believe it's gonna be Hillary Rodham Clinton for the Democrats, because of her entrenched and powerful political machinery.  And, Mike Huckabee for the Republicans, because of his kinship with Christian Conservatives.


Now, if I turned out to be wrong ... well, hey, nobody is right all the time.  I am a pundit.  Rightly or wrongly, I merely opine.


So, anyway, what are caucuses?


"Caucuses are QUIRKY electoral creations that depart from the usual civics-class ideas about fair elections.  They are run not by the government, but rather by the state Republican and Democratic Parties," said The New York Times.


They are "small community meetings in which citizens gather not only to choose candidates but also to conduct local party businesses.  And rather than secret ballots, there are public exchanges of opinions."


Like a meeting de abante, in other words.


To Iowans, the 1,781 caucuses in their state are a civic treasure, passed down from one farmer generation to another.  The practice was introduced two centuries ago.  Caucuses do not conform to one-person, one-vote rule.  Ties can be settled by COIN TOSS or picking names out of a hat.


A quirky form of election all right.  Well, what do y'all expect from farmers?


COOL QUIPS FROM SEN. BIDEN: You know, I like Senator Joe Biden of Delaware a lot.  I think he's a cool guy.  In December 1972, one month after his election to the Senate, a car accident killed his first wife and a baby daughter and injured his two young sons.  He began a daily commute, from his home in Delaware to work in Washington, D.C. and back- 80 minutes each way - so he could tuck his children in at night and be there when they woke up. 


That, to me, is THE coolest.


A known jester, he said of Obama, "I mean ... you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and nice-looking guy, I mean, that's a storybook, man ..."


He also said, "I got tested for AIDS.  I know Barack got tested for AIDS.  It's an important thing ... it's not unmanly to wear a condom ..."


Rev. Al Sharpton answered: "I am also clean.  I take showers everyday ... and I also use condoms."


Sen. Biden once told an Indian man on his campaign trail this: "In Delaware you cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent ... I'm not joking."


Commenting on GOP candidate, Rudy Giuliani, the former New York City mayor, "There are only three things he says in a sentence: a noun, a verb and 9/11."


Senator Biden, sir, with all due respect, your jokes are much better than those late-TV jokes of David Letterman and Jay Leno.  For your jokes, you get my vote, sir, that is, if you're still around and running after the Iowa caucuses.  


Otherwise, it's "BILLARY" for me.  Hey, it's two for one. 








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Last Updated on Friday, 04 January 2008 09:25

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