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Sep 28th
Home Columns A Cup O' Kapeng Barako The Man Who Walks on Water, the Main Man, the Man, Who CAN
The Man Who Walks on Water, the Main Man, the Man, Who CAN PDF Print E-mail
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Columns - A Cup O' Kapeng Barako
Saturday, 17 January 2009 04:16


Unbelievable. My sister and my mom are going to live in the White House—Craig Robinson, Barack Obama’s brother-in-law


F irst, a question, but it can be a riddle, too: How is it possible that Barack H.  Obama walked out of that political cesspool, known as “Chicago politics,” untainted?


Answer: He walks on water.


Second, my congratulations to Madame Secretary Hillary Clinton.  To me, if there’s any HOPE in the future of America, it would be through her and her husband, Bill.  Ms. Hillary had been called a lot of names in her political career. 


The most notable ones are: “Bitch” and “Witch.” 


Well, as of today, y’all can add “Madame Secretary” to that list.


Do y’all know that during her confirmation hearing in the Senate, only one senator voted against her?  And guess who it was?  None other than that prostitute-loving favorite son of the state of Louisiana: Senator David Vitter.  Remember this guy?  Not too long go, he was found out to have been a regular customer of Washington, D. C.’s most expensive whorehouse and was described by girls who have known him as a “very generous tipper.” 


The tips that he gave, courtesy, of course, of taxpayers, like poor you and poor me.


This senator once mocked and publicly chastised Bill Clinton for his “lax morals” in the Monica Lewinsky scandal.  Ha!


OBAMA’S INAUGURATION: Okay now, check this out: although intelligence agencies have found no credible threats to the coronation, I mean, inauguration of Barack Obama on Tuesday as president, more than 20,000 police officers, National Guards soldiers and plainclothes agents from more than 50 agencies will provide security in the AIR, on the WATER and on LAND.


Fighter jets will provide the air cover.  Cost Guard boats with automatic weapons will patrol the Potomac River.  Plain clothes and uniformed officers will cover the ground.


Not only that.


Chemical, biological and radiological detectors will be in place all over Washington.


And all roads and all the five major bridges leading into Washington, D.C. , will be sealed and heavily guarded. 


And all buildings, public and private, will be closed near where Obama will be sworn in and along the parade route on Pennsylvania Avenue where he and Michelle will be strutting and waving to the gawking world of onlookers and television cameras.    


From two-million to four-million people are expected to attend.  And no one will be permitted to enter a two-square mile area without bag searches and passing through metal detectors. 


And I bet ya, no one with long beards, wearing turbans and Muslim garbs will be allowed to be near that place either.  So, may I say then to Mr. Osama:  “Hey, Mr. Osama, if you’re planning to attend the inauguration of Mr. Obama, there ain’t no way you can get in.  Don’t be wasting your time coming over here.  Stay in you cave na lang, smoke your Afghan dope and chill out and watch his show on your cable TV.”


THE COSTS: What would be the costs of this security extravaganza?  Washington D.C. officials said: “About $50 million.” 


In addition, in nearby Maryland and Virginia, officials there estimated to spend $12 million to $16 million.


“This is a global event,” said Joseph Perischini, the head honcho of the FBI in Washington D.C., “The intelligence community and our partners are very cognizant of it.  Everybody feels the urgency.”


Well, Mr. Perischini, sir, supposing in this so-called global event, shoes are hurled at Mr. Obama and Michelle, what would you do?  Any security plans in place for that kind of threat to protect them?  You’ll never know....  I am sure, there would be lot of GOPey goofs, gonzos and locos out there who will be attending this historic inauguration, and they all wear shoes….


OBAMA’S MOTHER-IN-LAW: So it’s been confirmed that Mr. Obama’s 71-year-old mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, would be moving into the grand residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, known as the White House.


Imagine that.  How tacky naman.  The mother-in-law moving in with them in their new residence?  Well, I suppose, any mother-in-law, or any mother, or anyone for that matter, would love to move in and live in the White House.  With all the servants and butlers and the maids and the housekeepers and the cooks and gardeners and the drivers, who would NOT want to live in that house?  And rent-free, too. 


I wonder if Mr. Obama’s kin from Kenya will also be moving in?  Just asking.


OBAMA’S TAX MAN: So Mr. Obama’s choice to run the Treasury Department has been found to be a “GEE-WHIZ,” not a WHIZ KID in taxes.  A tax evader, so to speak.  Timothy Geithner, the nominee was revealed to have failed to pay his taxes from 2001 to 2004, a total of over $34,000 when he was employed by the International Monetary Fund (IMF).


It was also revealed that Mr. Geithner had hired three undocumented immigrants as his domestic helpers and that for over a decade had repeatedly failed to pay their Social Security and Medicare taxes.


Mr. Obama said those were just “honest mistakes” by Mr. Geithner.


Oh, really.  Those mistakes are felonies.  If that was us, dear readers, who made those honest mistakes … we’d be in jail, pronto, that’s for sure.  But the man “who walks on water” said those were just honest mistakes. Therefore, those were honest mistakes.  No ifs or buts.  He’s the man, the main man, the man, who CANJJ 


Last Updated on Saturday, 17 January 2009 04:33

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