A Mexican, a Filipino, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.  Then he says, “In Mexico our glasses are so cheap, we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.”

The Filipino, who claims to be always “angat sa mundo,” and who can never be outdone in anything, downs his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out two pistols and shoots the glass to pieces.  Then he says, “In the Philippines, we have so much glasses made of crystals that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.”

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, throws her glass into the air, whips out her sawed-off shotgun and shoots the Mexican and the Filipino.  Ka-boom!  Ka-boom!  Then … catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, “In America, we have so many illegal Mexicans and Filipinos that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice!”

Ya, God Bless America! T

ALKING ABOUT SHOTGUNS: VP Dick Cheney became fodder for late -TV comedians last year when he accidentally shot his companion during a hunting trip in Texas.  Mr. Cheney thought his companion, Attorney Harry Whittington, was a “quail about to take off into the air.”  So Mr. Cheney aimed quickly and shot the quail.  Bull’s eye!  The quail, I mean, Atty. Whittington was hospitalized for six months for treatment of wounds in his torso, neck and face.

This past Monday, Mr. Cheney picked up his shotgun again for an outing in New York’s Hudson Rive Valley … and he had asked former New York City mayor and president wannabe Rudy Giuliani to be his hunting companion.  Mr. Giuliani was reported to have said. “No way, Hosay.  I am no quail.  Maybe Dick should ask Al Sharpton instead.” Ya, God Bless America. I

COULD CARE LESS WHAT Y’ALL SAY ABOUT MR. GIULIANI.  I like him.  True, he’ a “flawed man.”  He admits that.  Who isn’t?  He’s no jerk though.  Not like you know who …you know, that “bring it on” guy.  In a recent speech, Mr. Giuliani invoked, as he often does, Ronald Reagan’s admonition that “my 80 percent friend is not my 20 percent enemy.” “My belief in God and reliance on his guidance is at the core of who I am, I can assure you of that,” Giuliani said.  “But isn’t it better for me to tell you what I believe rather than change my positions to fit the prevailing wind?” I believe when Mr. Giuliani said that, he was referring to his rival to the Republican presidential nomination, Mitt Romney.  You know, that Mormon guy, who keeps flip-flopping depending on the prevailing wind. Giuliani has called for a constitutional amendment declaring MARRIAGE TO BE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN and decried the “holocaust of liberalized abortion.” He said, “We do not have the right to move the standards of God to meet cultural norms.  We need to move the cultural norms to meet God’s standards.” Ya, God Bless America! 

THE HOLISTIC APPROACH: When a dentist here in Seattle was accused of fondling the breasts of 27 female patients, he told the judge that he was “merely manipulating the women’s pectoral muscles to relieve jaw pain caused by temporo-mandibular joint disorder.” Say what?  Hey, before we go any further, can we check this guy’s diplomas?  You know, just to make sure they aren’t, like, from some dental schools in the Philippines.” Ya, God Bless America! D

 ON IMUS IS BACK: Y’all remember him, right?  Yeah, that same Don Imus, who was fired six months ago by CBS Radio for referring to black female basketball players of Rutgers University as “nappy-headed ho’s.”  Well, he was hired by New York City’s WABC radio.  The station will pay him $5-million a year, and plans to syndicate and broadcast his show across the country.   Ya, God Bless America! C

ALIFORNIA BURNING: Te-dum, tedum … I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain, tedum, tedum … I’ve seen rain that I thought would never end … tedum, tedum …  

No, I am not singing.  I am comparing. The fires last week that raged in Southern California presented parallels to Hurrican KATRINA that hit the Gulf Coast two years ago.

Here we have two natural disasters, two regions, two cities … and TWO STADIUMS where evacuees took shelter: The Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego and the Superdome in New Orleans.

At the Superdome, there was chaos, filth and overcrowding.  There were no beds and blankets.  Bathrooms were not working.  Supplies were scarce.  People have to scrounge for food and water.  There were rapes, lootings and killings.  FEMA had their thumbs up their asses.

At Qualcomm, it was orderly.  There were plenty of beds and blankets and piles of donated clothing.  There was FOOD GALORE and plenty of water.  So many people gave generously that some of the offers of gifts were turned away.  San Diego’s mayor said there were almost as many volunteers as evacuees in the stadium.  There were counselors that the evacuees could speak with.  Even massages were offered.

Thanks for the volunteers … because FEMA, again, had their thumbs up their asses, even FAKING news briefings and conferences …  

Ya, God Bless America! # # # JJ