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Humor and Satire
Why Do Gay People Want Marriage?
| Why Do Gay People Want Marriage? |
Folks cannot understand why their Gay Brethren want to marry when some Straight People now do not like to get married? (Editor's Note: Since Proposition 8, which bans gay marriage, was approved by California voters on Nov. 4, 2008, this website brings back to the Front Page this article. At least this article should be able to soothe the wounded feelings of the opponents of Prop 8.)
According to some wags and pundits like my literary mentor, Fred Burce Bunao, and my first boss of an editor, Mar G. de Vera (who is still a bachelor), here are the differences between “Love and Marriage” . . .
Love is holding hands in the street; while Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is dinner for two in a quiet but cozy restaurant; while Marriage is often Chinese take-out or left-over.
Love is going to the opera; while Marriage is viewing soap opera on a portable television at the kitchen while soaping and rinsing dishes.
Love is cuddling on a couch; while Marriage is getting upset at the couch-potato spouse.
Love is talking about having children; while Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
Love is going to bed early; while Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is keeping fit and trim, so as to continue to be attractive to the beloved; while Marriage is “Calories Galore,” as married people often get fat, if not become obese.
Love is whispering “sweet nothings” in the ear; while Marriage is sweating, knowing there is nothing left in the debit card and whispering to, nay shouting at, the spouse not to overdraw it again.
Love is a flickering, if not a shining, flame; while Marriage is a shining, if not a flickering, television.
Love is writing poems for the beloved; while Marriage is writing shopping lists, things-to-do lists, do-this-do-that-ad-infinitum lists.
Love is driving a sports car or at least a two-door sedan; while Marriage is driving a mini-van, if not a full-size van (especially if the mother-in-law and her party travel with the couple).
Love is one drink with two straws or one shared cup of wine; while in Marriage "Don't you think you've had enough?" is often the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
So for the love of Christ, why do Gay People want Marriage? In fact, why do many Straight People also want Marriage? # # #
Eddie AAA Calderon
Minneapolis, MN
Intrigero ka ano, ha?
Cheaper ang marriage siguro, in terms of expenses.
Love is romance, but surrounded with expenses.
Chuckles...
Tukayong Bob Gabuna of Canada
gay people have the same rights with straight people.
I applaude them for fighting for the same rights.
cheche, philippines
'Next'
'Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license.'
'Names?'
'Tim and Jim Jones.'
'Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance.'
'Yes, we're brothers.'
'Brothers? You can't get married.'
'Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?'
'Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!'
'Incest?' No, we are not gay.'
'Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?'
'For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects.'
'But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.'
'Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.'
'And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?'
'All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next.'
'Hi. We are here to get married.'
'Names?'
'John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson.'
'Who wants to marry whom?'
'We all want to marry each other.'
'But there are four of you!'
'That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.'
'But we've only been granting licenses to gay-and-lesbian couples.'
'So you're discriminating against bisexuals!'
'No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples.'
'Since when are you standing on tradition?'
'Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.'
'Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more, the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!'
'All right, all right. Next.'
'Hello, I'd like a marriage license.'
'In what names?'
'David Deets.'
'And the other man?'
'That's all. I want to marry myself.'
'Marry yourself? What do you mean?'
'Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return.'
'That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!'
Contributed by Mike Kolberg
