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Home Sections Humor & Satire BalitaKuno (2017 Niños Inocentes Edition) -- Part I
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Goliath Letterman & Tom Seyer   
Thursday, 28 December 2017 12:04

BalitaKuno (2017 Niños Inocentes Edition) -- Part One

By Goliath Letterman and Tom Seyer

Dateline Los Angeles, California, Dec. 28, 2017, by the Coconut News Network (CNNkuno.com), which was previously known as "Yimby Lampoon News Service".

(NOTE: "Balita" is the Filipino term for "News" while "Kuno" means "Said to be ..." And "Niños Inocentes" is the Filipino equivalent of the April Fools' Day.)

Here are the headlines:

* Sorsogon Set To Celebrate Christmas and New Year's Day According Also to the Julian and the Chinese Calendars

* Sorsogon Province To Recognize the Sorsoganon Origin of the "Kwanzaa" Black-American "Advent" Festival

* China and Sorsogon's Filipino-Chinese Community To Make President Trump the Symbol of the 2018 Lunar New Year

**** Sorsogon Set to Celebrate Christmas and New Year's Day According Also to the Julian and the Chinese Calendars

The Sorsogon Provincial Board, Sorsogon City Council and the province's 14 Municipal Councils are set to approve the proposal of LOLO Bobby M. Reyes of Barrio Bibincahan (Sorsogon City) to make Sorsogon Province celebrate the longest in the world its Christmas and the New Year festivities.

According to the Reyes proposal, Sorsogon can still celebrate (as it has been commemorating since 1565) Christmas every December 25th, pursuant to the Gregorian Calendar. And add the Christmas and New Year's Day celebrations according to the Julian Calendar, which fall on January 7th and January 14th, respectively. And then celebrate also the Chinese (Lunar) New Year, which falls on February 16th.

Sorsogon will, therefore, have (starting on December 1st, when Sorsoganons start playing on their radio stations Christmas songs) a total of 108 days (in 2018) to celebrate Advent and the New Year. Both celebrations will be the longest commemoration of Advent and New Year in the world.

**** Sorsogon Province to Recognize the Sorsoganon Origin of the "Kwanzaa" Black-American "Advent" Festival

The Province of Sorsogon is set also to make official the discovery of its alleged foremost historian, LOLO Bobby M. Reyes, that Buffalo soldiers assigned in the province from 1899 to 1902 got their inspiration their now-famous "Kwanzaa" Celebration from Sorsoganons. The Wikipedia says that the "celebration honors African heritage in African-American culture and is observed from December 26 to January 1 of every year, culminating in a feast and gift-giving. Kwanzaa has seven core principles (Nguzo Saba). It was created by Maulana Karenga and was first celebrated in 1966–67."

According to LOLO Bobby, the Buffalo soldiers were amazed when the saw Sorsoganons celebrate their "Harvest Festival" in February 1900. When the African-American soldiers asked, however, the Sorsoganons the name of the festival, the local folks replied "Kuwan ... ah." The word "Kuwan" is the Sorsoganon term for "It" or "Thing" or "Matter" when Sorsoganons are at a loss on the name of the matter, event or person being asked.

So, when the Buffalo soldiers left to return to the United States after peace in the Philippine Islands was declared on July 4, 1902, they took with them the idea of the "'Kuwan ... ah' Harvest Festival," a time for gift-giving and feasts. The rest is now history, to use an oft-quoted adage.

**** China and Sorsogon's Filipino-Chinese Community To Make President Trump the Symbol of the 2018 Lunar New Year

The Lunar Calendar of the Chinese people designates February 16, 2018, as the start of the Year of Dog. Since President Donald J. Trump was born in a Year of the Dog, the Chinese, including the Filipino-Chinese community of Sorsogon, have made the U. S. President their symbol of the New Year. Here is report by TIME magazine about the Trump-inspired caricature for Chinese New Year 2018: http://time.com/5080880/trump-dog-statue-chinese-new-year/.

There are no reports yet of the 2018 Chinese New Year celebration in the Province of Sorsogon, as may be orchestrated by the province's Sorsoganon-Chinese community.

Stay tuned ...

(To Be Continued ...)


Last Updated on Thursday, 28 December 2017 20:23
 

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