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Home Sections Humor & Satire BalitaKuno (2017 Niños Inocentes Edition) -- Part Two`
BalitaKuno (2017 Niños Inocentes Edition) -- Part Two` PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Goliath Letterman & Tom Seyer   
Thursday, 28 December 2017 20:08


BalitaKuno (2017 Niños Inocentes Edition) -- Part Two`


By Goliath Letterman and Tom Seyer


Dateline Los Angeles, California, Dec. 28, 2017, by the Coconut News Network (CNNkuno.com), which was previously known as "Yimby Lampoon News Service".
(NOTE: "Balita" is the Filipino term for "News" while "Kuno" means "Said to be ..." And "Niños Inocentes" is the Filipino equivalent of the April Fools' Day.)


Here are more headlines:


**  Democrats Urge Immediate "Bombing" of North Korea


**  President Trump To Build Second Wall To Keep Out More Hispanic Immigrants


**  Evangelical Supporters of President Trump To Organize a New Church


**  Catholic Bishops To Cut Length of the Homily


**** Democrats Urge Immediate "Bombing" of North Korea


       Congressional leaders from the Democratic Party are urging President Donald J. Trump to order the U.S. Air Force to drop immediately thousands of "cluster bombs" all over the North Korea. In view of apparent national famine being experienced by the North Koreans, the Democratic-Party version of the "cluster bombs" are to carry well-packed "Kimchi" (Korean fermented veggies such as cabbage), "Bulgogi" (Korean marinated beef barbecue) and other favorite Korean delicacies like Spam, corned beef and other dry foodstuff like noodles.

       The White House and the Joint Chiefs of Staff have yet to comment on the proposal allegedly made by the Democratic minority leaders of the U.S. Congress.


****  President Trump To Build Second Wall To Keep Out More Hispanic Immigrants


       CNNkuno investigative reporters are also evaluating reports that the Trump Administration may announce in January 2018 the building of a Second Trump Wall between Florida and Cuba to stop alleged new attempts for Cuban refugees to sail to the Continental United States (CONUS) in the coming year. Obviously, the reported "Second Trump Wall" will be a floating barrier.


****  Evangelical Supporters of President Trump To Organize a New Church


       CNNkuno investigative reporters are also trying to confirm if indeed Evangelical supporters of President Trump are set to launch a new Christian denomination. The new religious group is reportedly to be called the "Praisebyterian Church." Its worship will reportedly mainly consist in praising God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost to high heavens. Then the church members will take turns praising each other and the leaders of the United States -- from The White House to the U.S. Congress and to state capitals.


****  Catholic Bishops To Cut Length of the Homily


       In view of the protest launched by the "Born Against Movement," both the Catholic Bishops Conferences of the United States and the Philippines are said to adopt soon a limit on the length of the homily. Effective Easter 2018, which falls on April 1, 2018, all sermons will reportedly be restricted to five minutes and 55 seconds (per homily). Priests and even bishops violating the rule will be assessed a fine of $5.55 per additional minute of the additional time spent on the sermon. In the Philippines, the priests and bishops violating the 5:55 rule will have their fine of 5 pesos and 55 centavos per extra minute. The fines are to be deducted from their stipend or salary being received by the prelates. To know more details about the "Born Against Movement," please go to this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/209410105878857


(To be continued on April 1, 2018 ...) 

       



 

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