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May 20th
Home Sections Humor & Satire Filipino-Chinese Proverbs
Filipino-Chinese Proverbs PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Bobby M. Reyes   
Sunday, 27 March 2011 20:57

 

An educated guess says that perhaps 70-% to 80-% of Filipinos have Chinese blood (ancestors) or they have Chinese in-laws. Many descendants of Chinese settlers in the Philippines (like this writer) have come to like Chinese proverbs and occasionally many “Chinoys” (colloquial term for Filipino-Chinese mestizos) have mangled them – for the sake of humor.

 

Here is a compilation of what this writer calls the “Filipino-Chinese proverbs,” and the authors and/or writers of nearly all of them are unknown (or have chosen to remain incognito):

 

“Life is complete if a man takes a wife, fathers a son and writes a book – even if he cannot read or write provided he has ghost writers.”

 

“Even Confucius did not have a wise word for one-way streets.”

 

“A rolling stone produces no water for Moses” (must have been coined by a Christian convert, who has a corny sense of humor).

 

“A Born-again Christian is good but a Born-against man is better in fighting abortion, pedophilia or prostitution, drug addition or illegal gambling.”


"Passionate kiss like spider's web soon leads to undoing of fly."

"Virginity is like a bubble or a balloon. One prick and it is all gone!"

 

“Worse excuse for missing work is being sick and tired of the boss.”

"Man who runs in front of car gets tired."

"Man who runs behind car gets exhausted."

"Man with hand in pocket feels cocky all day."

"Foolish man gives wife grand piano. Wise man gives wife upright organ. Wiser man gives wife both piano and upright organ."

 

“A smart woman will want to become a wife who is treated like a mistress.”

 

“A dumb woman wants to be a mistress who is treated like a nagging wife.”

 

"Man with one chopstick goes hungry."

 

“Wise doctor orders one-chopstick diet as best way for obese patient to lose weight.”

"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

 

“Wise man knows life is all about ass. Wiser man knows people are either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.”

 

“Dumb man thinks life is behaving like an ass; or worse, he lives or works with one.”

"Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money."

"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"

 

“A basketball player with no balls cannot father a child.”

"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

 

“Man who wears an erring on the left ear is a leftist; if he wears it on his right ear, he is a rightist; if he wears it in his nostril, he is a centrist; and if he wears it on both ears, he must own a jewelry store or works for one.

"Wife who puts husband in doghouse soon finds him in cathouse."

"Man who sleeps in cathouse by day, sleeps in doghouse by night."


"Man who fights with wife all day, gets no piece at night!"


"Man who tells one too-many light-bulb jokes soon burns out!"

 

“Man who tells many green jokes often has no green thumb and avoids gardening work.”

"It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it."

"Man who drives like he is going to hell is bound to get there!"


"Man who sits on tack gets point!"

"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot!"

"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement."

"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."

"Man who farts in church sits in own pew."

"Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion.”

A nd finally, here’s one for Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and her fellow moral midgets, "Crowded elevator smells different to a dwarf.” # # #

 

 

 

 



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Last Updated on Sunday, 27 March 2011 22:58
 

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