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Sep 28th
Home Sections Humor & Satire Sorsoganons Allegedly Were the First Asians to Sail to North America in 1528
Sorsoganons Allegedly Were the First Asians to Sail to North America in 1528 PDF Print E-mail
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Written by Goliath Letterman   
Monday, 21 September 2009 10:31

Editor's Note: The original title of this article was "G. Letterman’s Ten-top Reasons Why October Is the Filipino-American Hysteria Month AKA 'OctoberFake'."

By Goliath Letterman

Coconut News Network (CNN Kuno),
as founded by Romeo P. Marquez originally as "Coconut News Ngayon"


T his article is based on an interview that this writer conducted with Poet-pundit Fred Burce Bunao and Bobby M. Reyes, the cofounders of the Philippine-American National Hysterical Society (PANHS). The PANHS has declared October as the Filipino-American Hysteria Month, also known as “OctoberFake.”


In other words, Messrs. Bunao and Reyes say that they founded the PANHS to highlight the mistake by some self-proclaimed Filipino “historians” (kuno or alleged “hysterians”) of confusing hysteria with history.


H ere are the top-ten reasons why the month of October is the Filipino-American month for observing Filipino hysteria and madness, if not a frenzy for claiming half-truths—if not outright lies—as Filipino historical feats in the United States:


10. Seatlle, Washington-based community leader, Ms. Anita Sese, whom former University of the Philippines Cesar Torres proclaimed as the “Filipino Fairy Godmother,” had several marriages and divorces in the month of October. Ms. Sese has more marriages and divorces than Ms. Elizabeth Taylor.


9. Perdigones Diaz, the self-proclaimed Filipino-American "perry-tale," oops, fairy-tale writer, started his writing career in the month of October 2003, after he was asked by his wife to buy vinegar and when he returned, he proclaimed himself already a journalist. (Editor's Note: The phrase "perry-tale writer" was coined by Chicago-based multiawarded journalist Joseph G. Lariosa, who is originally from Sorsogon Province.)


8. The first Filipinos (sic) from what is now Sorsogon Province allegedly landed in what is now Morro Bay, California, on Oct. 17, 1528, and not on Oct. 18, 1587, as claimed erroneously by the Filipino-American National Hysterical, oops, Historical Society (FANHS). How the first immigrants sailed to what is now California is the subject of an essay written by Bobby Reyes and which is based on oral history he gathered from the elders of Sorsogon Province. (Editor’s Note: Bobby Reyes has published before in the his allegations that both Lapu-Lapu and Black Henry, the slave of Fernando de Magallanes, were from Sorsogon Province, too.)


7. The first immigrants from what became Sorsogon, Philippines, who landed allegedly in 1528 in what is now California were known as the “Lanzones Indios,” as they brought with them seedlings of the plant Lansium domesticum (commonly known in the Philippines as “lanzones"), which is a species of the fruit-bearing tree belonging to the family Meliaceae.


6. The “Lanzones Indios” allegedly named Morro Bay---after their landing in that body of water---after they performed thereat the first “Moro-Moro” Sorsoganon version of the zarzuela or comedia, as the stage play was later named by the Spanish colonial authorities in the Philippines.


5. The “Lanzones Indios” also allegedly established in Morro Bay the first Filipino (sic) Laundromat when they landed, as they had to wash immediately their clothes that they have been cleaning with rain water on their long voyage from Sorsogon Bay to California. Yes, they were the first Asians to display publicly in what is now the United States their dirty linen, shirts, clothes and even underwear.


4. The “Lanzones Indios” from Sorsogon established allegedly likewise the first bottled-water plant in what is now the United States of California when they landed in what is now called as Morro Bay. They had to refill their water containers with fresh water, as they thought that they would have to sail further north (and some of them did allegedly).


3. The “Lanzones Indios” allegedly started the first native-Indian casino when they teamed up with the Chumash Indians, whom they met at what is now Morro Bay. The Filipino (sic) immigrants introduced the games of “pusoy” (a version of a 13-card poker game), “jueteng” (numbers’ game), sakla and cockfighting.


2. The first Filipino (sic) golf, oops, gulp club in the United States was organized allegedly by the "Lanzones Indios" on Oct. 19, 1528 – or two days after they landed in what is now dubbed Morro Bay. The "Lanzones Indios" from Sorsogon were known to gulp down lots of drinks during fiestas and festivals and while they are gambling and eating "lanzones."


1. A nd finally, the "Lanzones Indios" organized allegedly on October 17, 1530, (or two years after they landed in Morro Bay) the "National Federation of Lanzones-Indios’ Associations (NaFLIA)," which eventually died a natural death. But it was resurrected as the "National Federation of Filipino-American Associations (NaFFAA)" during its second empowerment conference held at the Marriott Wardman Hotel in Washington, D.C., on October 16-18, 1998, where delegates unanimously ratified the NaFFAA's Constitution & Bylaws, formalizing in effect the NaFFAA's organizational structure. Now the Filipino saga in the United States is told in the ongoing soap opera called, “NaFFAA-ka sakit, Kuya Eddie.” And the NaFFAA national executive officers continue allegedly with the OctoberFake traditions by continuously faking the federation's financial statements. # # #


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Last Updated on Sunday, 09 March 2014 12:34
Comments (1)
1 Monday, 21 September 2009 16:38
Bobby, this is just so hilarious!

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