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any Filipinos are blaming the Koreans and Canadians for the rice crisis in their homeland.

NEWS FLASH: On a serious note, here is the statement of Sen. Nene Pimentel on President GMA's order for direct selling of NFA rice: I favor direct selling by barangay-operated units. They know the people of their communities. Of course iwasan lang ang pamulitika. Also, there should be a drive against hoarding and profiteering in the rice business by people with access to government offices having to do with rice trading. Finally, the government should restart policy of production. That is the ultimate solution to the rice problem: self sufficiency, not importation.

Why the Koreans? Because folks say that the Philippine Department of Agriculture (DoA) officials’ favorite question involves supposedly the Koreans. As in, “Saan ang lagay Korean, oops, ko riyan?” (“Where is my kickback?)

Some wags and pundits blame, however, the Canadians for the rice crisis. They argue that the DoA officials do rampantly the practice of “kana dito, kana doon, kana diyan” when they spend the budget appropriated for subsidizing the marginal rice farmers. “Kana” is the Filipino colloquial term for “to rob” or “to cheat.”

There is no truth to the rumor that President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo (PGMA) has issued an Executive Order (EO) banning the use of rice during weddings. The EO supposedly mandates the use of banana or camote chips as substitute for the rice thrown at newly-wedded couples. The latest EO supposedly allows the use of corn during the weddings of not-so-funny comedians.

Anyone caught stealing rice from the people will be thrown in jail and will be fed rotten rice," President Arroyo allegedly said.

On the other hand Filipino agriculturists want the Americans to give the Philippines a new kind of an International Rice Research Institute (IRRI). Yes, the agri experts want the Americans to donate money to build IRRIgation canals. These experts said that without water, the IRRI’s miracle-rice strains would need really a miracle to survive the near-drought condition during the summer months.

There is also no truth to the rumor that former President Joseph “Erap” Estrada has advised PGMA to tell the people to eat “suman,” “puto” and other native delicacies if they do not have rice to cook. When told that “suman” and other similar treats are rice-based, ex-President Erap said that perhaps the people should then eat bananas. Erap-bashers say, however, that the suggestion might lead to the Philippines becoming a true “Banana Republic.” Besides they say that the country experiencing a “saging,” oops, sagging economy.

There are reports also that the Arroyo Dispensation will obtain more rice from China. Some critics of PGMA said, however, that the Chinese rice would have to be cooked Chinese style, i.e., Lutong Macao.

“Those who seek to take advantage of our people must be stopped. I am leading the charge to crack down on any form of corruption by public or private officials who would divert supplies or pervert the price of this essential commodity in any way," PGMA said.

"Anyone caught stealing rice from the people will be thrown in jail and will be fed rotten rice," President Arroyo allegedly said.

Our correspondent in Manila, Von Seyfried Rice (not related to American Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice or to Media Breakfast Club Chairman Henry von Seyfried), reported also that a new Left-Wing coalition called the KANIN has been formed. The KANIN is the acronym for “Koalition Against Nepotism, Imperialism and Neocolonialism.” The latest advocacy of Filipino activists cites nepotism (the practice wherein in-laws of top DoA officials are also the rice distributors and importers), American imperialism (for using surplus California rice as economic aid to further its control of the world's economic engines) and the dominance of the rice trade by California rice growers, which is equivalent to the neocolonial control of the world’s supply of the now-scarce staple. “Kanin” is also the Filipino word for “cooked rice.” # # #