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Home Sections Humor & Satire Lolo Bobby’s “LATSEX” Regimen Can Save Newspapers and Cafés As Well As Promote Healthcare
Lolo Bobby’s “LATSEX” Regimen Can Save Newspapers and Cafés As Well As Promote Healthcare PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Bobby M. Reyes   
Wednesday, 16 June 2010 05:58

 

T his writer recently had his quarterly medical check up. The physician said that Lolo Bobby’s cholesterol level went down . . . finally. He said that I must keep on watching my diet and continue to exercise. Then he asked what particular exercise was I doing?

 

Well, I replied to the Korean-American physician that I was doing the “LATSEX” regimen.

 

The physician blurted out that “sex, especially lots of it, was not good.” He said that he recently prescribed to me “Flexeril” (Cyclobenzaprine), after I complained of an occasional pain in my back. He cautioned that lots of sex may harm me, instead of doing something good for my body.

 

I explained to the physician that “LATSEX” was the acronym that I coined for Los Angeles Times (LAT), Starbucks (S) and Exercise (EX).

 

The doctor scratched his head and asked for the details of my “LATSEX” regimen.

 

I said that at least twice a week, I walk to the nearest Starbucks café, which is 1.2 miles away from my home, to order a cup of coffee and buy the day’s issue of the Los Angeles Times. Then I walk back to my residence but with frequent rest at bus stops where I sit on the bench, do some bending exercise and continue to read the newspaper, as I finish the brew.

 

The doctor smiled and said that I could continue on doing my “LATSEX” regimen. He in fact suggested that I do it more often.

 

On my way back from the medical clinic, I just realized that my “LATSEX” regimen – if promoted massively – could save the Los Angeles Times and other national newspapers from bankruptcy and stop the closing of more Starbucks coffee shops.

 

Imagine if two-million or more individuals in Southern California will do my “LATSEX” routine every week, then the Los Angeles Times circulation will be boosted by four-million or more copies. And perhaps Starbucks will have to reopen some of its cafés that it closed for lack of business.

 

Wow, I said that perhaps my “LATSEX” regimen can win me the Nobel Prize for Economics in due time. And perhaps The White House will honor me with the Presidential Medal of Freedom for coming up with a simple-and-effortless campaign to promote exercise in the United States and jump start the American economy.

 

The “LATSEX” regimen can very well promote healthcare like it has never been done before and at the same time save the newspaper-publishing industry and the coffee business. Wow, Wall Street will welcome this regimen, as it will make bullish again the trading of publishing-houses stocks and of course Starbucks’.

 

“NEWSSEX” May Be a Better National Acronym

 

A nd so I phoned my literary mentor, Poet-pundit Fred Burce Bunao, and told him of my latest project. He was thrilled about its impact on the national economy but he suggested that I change the name to “NEWSSEX.” Mr. Bunao said that the Los Angeles Times is not often available in newsstands in other cities of the United States.

 

I said that it was a good suggestion but I opined that in the Big Apple, the New York Times will probably promote my exercise regime as the “NYTSEX.” And perhaps change its motto to “NYTSEX once a day is enough.” And I told Mr. Bunao that perhaps David Letterman might  immediately follow my regimen, instead of getting it from, or through the courtesy of, the female employees at the CBS. Mr. Bunao said that Mr. Letterman might not like it. I explained to him that “IT” meant the cup of coffee and not sex, as the CBS star was accused of sexually harassing his female subordinates.

 

Editor’s Note: To read another article about the CBS talk-show host, please click on this link, Top-ten Reasons Why CBS Should Fire David Letterman

 

T his writer can’t wait to tell his buddies about this exercise regimen.

 

Perhaps Don Azarias, the chairman of our DOM Club of Chicago, will initiate the name change for the group. From DOM (not “Dirty Old Men” but “Dashing and Outspoken Mediamen”) to “NEWSSEX” Club, with its chapter in Southern California being called the “LATSEX” chapter. And of course its New York chapter renamed to “NYTSEX” chapter.

 

And perhaps our distinguished columnist, Jesse Jose of Seattle, Washington, will rename his column from “A Cup O’ Kapeng Barako” to “A Cup O’ NEWSSEX,” so as not only to promote the need to exercise and the drinking of coffee but also campaign for more readers of national newspapers.

 

Or perhaps my tocayo, Bobby Manasan, the Filipino Adventurer of Virginia, may move to change the state’s unofficial motto, “Virginia Is for Lovers,” to “Virginia Is for NEWSSEX Lovers.”

 

What say you, Dear Readers? # # #



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Last Updated on Sunday, 05 December 2010 15:20
 

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