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Jun 30th
Home Sections Humor & Satire Remember the Neal-Cruz Formula for Dividing the Philippines Into Separate Republics?
Remember the Neal-Cruz Formula for Dividing the Philippines Into Separate Republics? PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Tuesday, 04 December 2007 03:45

Neal Cruz wrote in his column on June 28, 2004: “'Iyo ang Cebu, akin ang Luzon.'


“THE ISLAND of Luzon will be practically left to the opposition today, particularly Fernando Poe Jr. sympathizers. The sipsips (toadies), er, pro-administration officials and job hunters, will all be in Cebu for the inauguration of President Macapagal-Arroyo. They will all want to be seen by her there so that she won't forget them when she starts making appointments. Left to themselves, FPJ supporters may have their own proclamation in Luzon.

“Come to think of it, that's not a bad compromise so the country will have peace at last. Since Cebu voted overwhelmingly for GMA and Luzon for FPJ, let their inhabitants have the president they want. Let GMA be president of the Republic of Cebu and FPJ president of the Republic of Luzon. Leave Mindanao to the Muslims. That will solve all the peace and order and separatist problems, 'di ba (Don't you think so)?”

This writer, acting then as the ad-hoc chairman of the “Abaca Republic” posted the following retort to Mr. Cruz’s column, as published in the

Perhaps Neal Cruz has just given the immediate solution to the problems of the Philippines.

But then since Raul Roco won in his home region of Bicolandia, why don't we give the Bicolnons the right to declare their own independence? Actually, we have been planning to make the Bicol Region the "ABACA REPUBLIC." In fact, I have registered as the possible official domain name of this new political entity. Certainly Abaca Republic sounds better than Banana Republic. (Note: Since Mr. Roco has since died, perhaps Sen. Greg Honasan III can take his place.)

Since Sen. Ping Lacson won in Cavite, why don't we allow him to emulate a fellow Caviteno general and declare too an independent Cavite from the same balcony in Kawit?

Perhaps Bro. Eddie Villanueva's followers can be given a part of Luzon and let them form their own place under the sun and call it New Jerusalem?

And what to do with the New People's Army? Well, we can negotiate with Prof. Joma Sison and carve territories the NPA really controls and give the areas to them pursuant to negotiations. We can emulate the United States Federal Government and make these NPA-controlled areas the Filipino version of the Native-Indian reservations that are actually sovereign nations. Then the NPA can put up their own casino and entertainment resorts, complete with a New People's Airport.

And if we can give American-Indian-like areas to the NPA, why don't we give the tribal minorities like the Aetas, the Mangyans, the BIBAK tribes and the Lumads in Mindanao their own reservations? We who are planning the Abaca Republic in the Bicol Region are willing to parcel out a reservation for our indigenous Agta (Aeta) tribes.

But then the Ilocanos may not like to be under the control of FPJ. So let us give them the right to form their own republic that they can probably call the Ilocoslovakia. And probably Pangasinan will find a new modern version of Princess Urduja to lead its people to become independent.

We can always allow a President FPJ to manage the movie houses (as a chain) even in our Abaca Republic.

And finally, I nominate Neal Cruz to become the first President of a Federal Republic of the Philippines. It is not yet late to declare this new Republic on July 4, 2004.

Mabuhay ka, Neal Cruz . . .


Post Script (written on Dec. 4, 2007): Since Fernando Poe, Jr., has also passed away, then Luzon has to be further broken up into several more republics. Perhaps former President Joseph Ejercito Estrada can emulate the declaration of Biak-na-Bato and form also his Republic of San Juan. Former President Cory Aquino can have her “Luisita Republic,” as many people in Tarlac would not want to be part of her hacienda of a state. Perhaps Sen. Edgardo J. Angara can declare the Republic of Tayabas and so on and so forth.

All of these moves would validate my argument that the fortune teller who predicted in the 1960s that the Philippines would become the 51st state of the United States was wrong. I said then that the right number was “51” but the real message in the crystal ball was that the Philippines would turn into 51 separate republics, under a federal system of government. Perhaps we ought to listen to Poet-pundit Fred Burce Bunao who is batting for the “United Nations of the Philippines,” as the new name of the archipelago. # # #

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 04 December 2007 05:52

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