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Home Sections Humor & Satire Restarting the "ERAP-Speak" Collection of Anecdotes
Restarting the "ERAP-Speak" Collection of Anecdotes PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Thursday, 12 July 2007 06:01

In the forerunner of this online publication, the www.yimby.com, one of the series of articles that got the most hits (visits) was the "ERAP-Speak." Some of our friends have requested that we resume it. "ERAP" was then defined in the Yimby.com as the acronym for "English Resembling Americanized Pidgin." It was not only about the grammatical misadventures of a Filipino politician but also about the way some immigrants to the United States speak English in their particular own ethnic way.

This revived series will feature an additional character called "Emerson, the Immigrant." His nickname is "Eme."

So here goes . . .

A friend asks Eme, "Hey, do you know H20?"

Eme answers: "Of course, the letter I follows H, then J, K, L, M, N and O."

Friend: "Good lord, Eme! For your information, H20 is the chemical symbol for water. Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen."

Eme: "Now, I know. Thank you."

Friend: "You’re welcome. Now, do you know what CO2 means?"

Eme: "That’s easy. It is the chemical symbol for ‘cold water.’"

* * *

Eme meets an immigrant from England. He asks the Englishman what he could see in England if he were to visit it. The guy answers that Eme could see the English Channel. Eme asks in all seriousness, "Is it on cable or pay-TV?"

* * *

Eme meets some Filipino nurses at a fast-food restaurant after 7:00 o’clock in the morning. The nurses are in their white uniforms. Eme asks them, "Are you going to work?"

One of the nurses replies that they just came from work, as they were in the graveyard shift.

Eme utters, "Are you not afraid to work in the cemetery and at night at that?"

* * *

A friends requests Eme to bring him a copy of the latest Playboy magazine to his work at the revolving restaurant at the top floor of the Bonaventure Hotel in Downtown Los Angeles. The friend asks Eme to put the girlie magazine in a paper bag, so as to be discreet about it.

When Eme enters the elevator, the operator asks, "Penthouse, Sir?"

Eme looks amazed but he answers, "Nope, it’s Playboy."

* * *

While waiting for his friend at the Bonaventure Hotel to get off from work, Eme stays at a bar on the ground floor. He spots a beautiful woman in one of the tables. He tries to strike a conversation with her. The woman says that she was merely waiting for her mother and besides, she does not go out with strangers as she was born in Tripoli, Libya, and, hence, as a Libyan, she is a devout Muslim.

Eme then sits at a bar stool. Suddenly a more-beautiful woman comes in and sits adjacent to him. Eme tries to engage her in a conversation. But the woman says that she is waiting for a lady friend and she does not wish to befriend men because she is a lesbian.

"What, you were born also in Tripoli?" Eme exclaims.

* * *

After going to a driving school, Eme gets his California driver’s license. One day he borrows the second car of a friend, who was living in the City of Montebello, Los Angeles County. The friend lets him borrow the car but admonishes Eme to obey the speed limit, which was then 55 miles per hour (mph).

So, Eme drives off and enters the Pomona (FWY 60) Freeway, west bound. He does OK. At the end of the Pomona Freeway, Eme connects to the Santa Monica (FWY 10) Freeway. Suddenly, he slows down to 10 mph after he saw the Freeway 10 sign. All the other motorists were honking at, and cursing, him. Finally, a traffic cop comes and signals Eme to go to the shoulder where he is issued a ticket for being a traffic hazard for moving too slow. Then the cop tells Eme to go, follow the speed limit and that he could go faster than 10 mph.

Eme then drives off and enters the Harbor (FWY 110) Freeway, south bound, and increases his speed to more-than 100 mph. The same cop who was following him apprehends him again. He asks why he was too slow at Santa Monica Freeway and is too fast in the Harbor Freeway.

Eme shakes his head and tells the cop: "I cannot understand why you give me ticket. In Pomona Freeway, I follow speed limit, which is 60. In Santa Monica, I follow speed limit of 10. Now in Harbor Freeway, I did not even reach 110 and you catch me for speeding?"

The traffic cop utters, "Good lord, you’re lucky that you did not reach the San Diego Freeway." (To those not from Southern California, the highway is called 405 Freeway.)

* * *

If readers want more of ERAP-Speak, then just e-mail to mediabcla@aol.com your comments or post them in this web site -- just before the article. # # #



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Last Updated on Friday, 21 December 2007 05:55
 

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