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May 30th
Home Sections Humor & Satire Why Did the Filipino Chicken Cross the American Road?
Why Did the Filipino Chicken Cross the American Road? PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Friday, 20 April 2007 15:17

These are the (probable) answers of several Overseas-Filipino community leaders if we ask them the question, "Why did the Filipino chicken cross the American road?"


In my training and upbringing, I was told not to ask why chickens cross the road. But if my NaFFAA comrades will tell me that the chicken can and did cross the road, that is good enough for me. I usually let Manong Alex Esclamado and now, my successor, Alma Q. Kern, give the reason why chickens cross the road.



The Filipino chicken has to cross the American road to achieve political empowerment even if we do not allow the NaFFAA members to empower themselves within the federation. I do not know why this fellow Bobby Reyes wants to know why chickens cross the road. I thought that all he wants to know are the details of the NaFFAA's financial transactions and my expense account?



The chicken wants to cross the American road to find a new soul for the National Federation of Filipino-American Associations (NaFFAA). And you know, alma means soul in English. But then Bobby Reyes has been trying to "reinvent" that NaFFAA soul without much success.

The Filipino chicken has to cross the road in Washington, DC, to lobby the U.S. Congress for the Filipino World War II veterans' equity-and-equality bill. Or perhaps the chicken is crossing the road to follow-up the lobbying that some of my friends and I did before for the Filipino doctors, lawyers and CPAs -- so that they could take their board or bar exams without going back to college. On the other hand, it may be just crossing the road to look for the TOFAda, oops, TOFA, as in the Twenty Outstanding Filipinos in America (and Abroad), which my wife and I started some 14 years ago.



Why is this idiot BobbyReyes (no space in between) asking why the Filipino chicken has crossed the road? If there are Filipino chickens in the United States, Max and Jollibee must have already fried them and given to me as complimentary pulutan.



The Filipino chicken has to cross the American road to achieve economic empowerment. This is the reason why our Federation of Philippine-American Chambers of Commerce is encouraging more Filipino Americans to become entrepreneurs and engage even in the poultry business.


Why is this as_hole BobbyReyes (no space in between) asking why the chicken, whether Filipino or not, has crossed the road? Aha, I suspect that his asking the question will lead to the continuance of his nearly half-decade-old bashing of NaFFAA national leaders. I refuse to answer as it may be a trick question and, therefore, I invoke my right to the Fifth Amendment.


I do not think that I will find this question funny enough to answer. My detractors -- the list of which includes Bobby Reyes -- are right now roasting me alive in the oven, oops, Court of Public Opinion. These detractors and critics want to portray me as a "Chicken Mas Loco." They are wrong and the jurors will prove me right.



I do not want to venture out any opinion as why the Filipino chicken has to cross the road. If I state any position, this Bobby Reyes may hit me again for opening my mouth; if I do not state an opinion, he may dub me a McChicken. I am really in a no-win position insofar as this perennial critic is concerned.



As the NaFFAA national treasurer, I do not think that this dirty-old-man-of-a-terrorist critic has the right to ask why the Filipino chicken has to cross the American road. Bobby Reyes may be again using his prowess of writing Satanic verses to lambaste the NaFFAA national executive officers. Now is Reyes turning us into chickens? I thought that he wanted to depict us only as gunfighters from the OK Corrales or errorists (sic)?
The Filipino chicken is crossing the American road to join the Overseas-Filipino Council (OFC) that I co-founded with some friends. And all roads will lead to Dumaguete City where the first OFC Congress will be held on Dec. 6-9, 2007. But in Daly City, the chickens cross the street to go to our Goldilock's franchise to be made into "lechon manok."
Nes Duldulao is right. The Filipino chicken wants to cross the road to the international airport to attend two events in the Philippines in December 2007. The main event of course is my first-ever Asian International Real Estate Expo and Conference (AIREEC) at the Philippine International Convention Center (PICC) in Metro Manila. Yes, there will be a lot of chicken-eating Filipino and foreign delegates at the PICC from Dec. 6-10, 2007.


Will I ever write in my column in the Filipino Express and in the the reason for the Filipino chicken in crossing one of the roads in the asphalt jungles of Manhattan? I do not think that I will write that perhaps the chicken simply wants to go to New Jersey to lay more eggs for Jersey City's former Deputy Mayor Ludy Corrales, OK?



I do not know if it is proper for me to answer this question. Ludy Corrales has dubbed me New York's version of Bobby Reyes (actually she called me "Bobby Reyes, Jr."). Is this one of Reyes' humorous ways of turning the supposed NaFFAA chicken sh_t into chicken salad? The original Reyes himself has to answer this crispy question. I will of course publish in the this piece, roasted or not (pun not intended).



As far as I am concerned the Filipino chicken is crossing the road to nurture the aging members of the flock, as assisted by youthful-looking birds. In which case, what all the chickens need is a national alliance so that they can cross any road of opportunity in more sensible ways than one.


I take my 10-gallon Texan hat to this guy, Bobby Mercado Reyes (who is not my cousin, as he claims to be). He cooks up everything from spicy Bicol tales to chicken stories. I bet that the Filipino chicken wants to cross the American road only in Texas. Why? Because chickens know that Texans count the number of birds in a coop by counting their legs and dividing the total by two.


I would suspect that the Filipino chicken is crossing the road to avail of the fine medical expertise of Filipino and Filipino-American medical professionals, including Filipino veterinarians. Perhaps this chicken-or-egg scenario may advance my advocacy of someday permitting American MEDICARE patients to have medical treatment in Philippine hospitals.

Bobby Reyes must first tell us if the Filipino chicken in North America came from Mexico. Bobby is wrong when he says that Filipino crewmembers of the Spanish galleons introduced cockfighting and fighting cocks to Mexico. I submit that Filipinos were the ones who introduced chickens to Mexico during the Manila-Acapulco Galleon Trade. This American restaurant chain should be renamed "El Manok Loco." By the way did you know that the Spaniards named the Filipino Island of Polilio after they saw dwarf chickens on it?


It will depend on the sexual orientation of the chicken. If the chicken were gay like my happy friends and me, then the chicken may be trying to escape a gay-bashing crowd at the side where it is. But a simple explanation could be that it will probably cross the road to look for a good-looking rooster. Ahem. And folks, I am the Director of Events for the AIREEC at the PICC in Manila this December. And there will be many roosters and chicks from the Filipino entertainment industry to join me in the world-class shows that I am directing. (Sorry for the commercial.)


The Filipino chicken is actually rushing to cross the border, oops, the road because there are more economic opportunities at the other side. Actually this question posed by Bobby Reyes is a loaded one. Please do not underestimate Reyes for his imaginative ways of getting issues across virtual or real roads or avenues of communications.


I do not know why the Filipino chicken has to cross the American road. Are there Filipino chickens in the United States? What is a Filipino chicken in the first place? Perhaps my friend Antonio Bulog has the answer. Perhaps Mr. Bulog may say that the chicken has run out of betel nut and mam-on to chew (if the bird has teeth in the first place). But if indeed the chicken has to cross the road, all I can say is "Hala bira."


Once again Bobby Reyes has done the unexpected and even the unthinkable. This guy has too much wit and humor that he is elevating the process of eliciting laughter (and making fun of his adversaries) into an art form. This is the same way that he has elevated muckraking into an art.


As I have been telling people, the Filipino Internet world will really be dull without the writings of Bobby Reyes. But to humor Bobby, why did the Filipino chicken cross the road? To make the other side of course the beneficiary of progressive times and probably join the e-forum or the Katipunan USA that I founded. Because if the chicken stays on where it is, it will probably be turned into adobo.


Least people will think that I made up all the answers in this article, let me tell you what I told Joseph Lariosa. Bobby Reyes has been putting words into my mouth and I cannot really fight and bite back because I wear false teeth. Now where were we? Ah, the Filipino chicken crossing the American road? I do not really know the answer. Perhaps Bobby has the answer as he usually does. Or does he reinvent the answers?
(Editor's Note: This is the revised and updated version of a similar article that appeared in the defunct in 2004.)
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Last Updated on Saturday, 19 May 2007 19:18
Comments (2)
1 Thursday, 20 August 2009 20:23
Dear Bobby,

I did however visit your website and I read your article: Why Did the Filipino Chicken Cross the American Road?

I have to admit that I am still amazed at your wicked, albeit funny sense of humor and your knack for driving your point and making fun of others through humor and satire. I noticed though, that you have included almost everybody in your article except yourself, so just for the heck of it, I thought I'd give this one a try (although my satire is not as good as yours )



The road was getting hot and there was real danger of getting burned, so the Filipino chicken had to cross the American road and look for more innocent NaFFAA chicks to kill. After all, the chicken was born to raise the blood pressure of these NaFFAA NEO's , and it will keep crossing the road to "re-format", "re-invent" and "re-charge" until it finally either finds the way to immortality (AHEM! Okay ngarud?) or be fried in its own fat and tragically be transformed into crispy chicken-forked adobo (Ouch!)

Take care, Bobby. I enjoyed following your literary style...

2 Thursday, 20 August 2009 20:35
Wow, Dr. Joy, your comments left me speechless. Thanks a lot for the superb contribution to the satire. I will post it immediately after the article (in the User's Comments). I will leave out the first paragraph about Bart Tubalinal and the external auditors.

Actually all the names in my satires (and many of the other articles) will get some semblance of immortality, as eventually the satires will be published into a collection of books -- aside from appearing in the website for as long as we remain online. And that can be like forever.

As the Chinese said, "A man is successful if he takes a wife, fathers a child and writes a book." I have done all three and more. So, even if any person mentioned in that satire will not accomplish anything else in life, he or she will be remembered as a subject of it.

You should try writing a satire like "Why Did the American (BalikBayan) Chicken Cross the Filipino Road?" (inverting the situation). I'm sure that you can do it and do it well -- with the sample that you showed. Or here is another idea, "Why Did Gloria and Mike Arroyo's Chicken Cross the Road?"

LOL and more LOL.


Lolo Bobby

PS: Recipients of this reply to Dr. Joy may contribute their own versions of her answer to the question of "Why did the Filipino chicken cross the American road?"

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