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Sep 29th
Home Columns A Cup O' Kapeng Barako A Wedding and an Open Letter to my Siblings
A Wedding and an Open Letter to my Siblings PDF Print E-mail
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Columns - A Cup O' Kapeng Barako
Wednesday, 21 July 2010 22:30


By Jesse Jose

A Cup O' Kapeng Barako


My column this week is very personal. It's a letter to all my siblings in Florida and to a brother in the Philippines. And though it's personal, the human-interest aspect of this story is also universal. For I believe it can also happen to any family: the spats and the intrigues and all.


As y'all know, Dear Readers, the months of June, July, August and September are favorite months for couples in love to tie the knot.  My son, Chris, my pride and my joy, and a broadcast journalist who's going to be news casting soon for FOX News Denver in Colorado is gonna tie that knot, too, with Jaclyn Rostie, who is also a broadcast journalist for ABC News in Coral Springs, Colorado.


They met four years ago in Cheyenne, Wyoming when they were both field reporters and anchors of the weekend newscast of KGWN, a CBS News affiliate.  I suppose their proximity to each other and their common interests and team effort in bringing the news to their viewers . . . planted the seed for respect for each other that became love that sprouted.


When Chris moved up to a broadcasting job in Cedar Rapids in Iowa, Jaclyn followed. And again, I suppose, that love that sprouted, grew . . .


And grew . . .


And bloomed . . .


And ripened.


A nd that finally decided for Chris to buy a very-expensive diamond engagement ring and on his bended knees, offered the ring to Jaclyn and perhaps, with all the courage he could muster, finally uttered the words what every woman longs to hear from a longtime lover: "Will you marry me?"


So, the wedding date was set.


And it's going to be on August 8th of this year.


Detailed preparations got underway. The bride's maids and the best man and the grooms were painstakingly selected, as well as the venue of the wedding and the reception and the menu, the dresses for the entourage, the tux for the grooms, the theme color for the wedding . . .


And the guests, who are going to be invited to witness one of life's happiest occasions and to partake on the feast and to share in the joy of Chris and Jaclyn, were picked.  It's a celebration!  It's a celebration of love. It's a celebration of the joining of two loves. 


It's also a celebration of the joining of two families: the Jose's and the Rostie's.  So, invitations, carefully designed and lovingly worded, were sent out. Foremost of all, to the two families that will be joined together.


So, I made sure that each one of my seven siblings gets an invitation. Simply, but elegantly scripted, the invitation reads:


            With joyful hearts we ask you

            to be present at the ceremony



Jaclyn Eleonor Rostie


 Christopher Navarro Jose


On Sunday, the Eight of August

  Two Thousand Ten

 at four o'clock in the afternoon

     St. Julien Hotel

   900 Walnut Street

    Boulder, Colorado


 Reception to follow


MY LETTER TO MY SIBLINGS: More-than two-hundred invitations were sent out. The deadline for receiving the RSVP's was on the 17th of this month. All responded, EXCEPT my brothers and sisters. I thought and thought about it. I asked myself several times, "why?"  I asked my wife the same question. It was so embarrassing. My wife said, "I dunno, pamilya mo yun mga yun . . ." Since the only way I can express my emotional turmoil is to put pen on paper, I wrote this letter to them:  


Hello Everybody,


I am going to let this forwarded e-mail by Jaclyn to Maribel speaks for itself. It's at the end of this letter to all of you. 


Bakit naman LAHAT kayo hindi nag-RSVP doon sa wedding invitation ni Chris at Jaclyn?  Over two hundred invitations were sent out, but only the Jose clan did not respond. Nakakahiya naman ang ginawa ninyo. The invitations were sent to Raquel to be given to all of you, except Soc's and Kirsten's which were directly sent to them by Jaclyn.  Raquel said na ibinigay ninya daw lahat sa inyo yung invitation and you all got it.


Maribel and I were all so embarrassed by everybody's non-response to Jaclyn.  I really think that shows KABASTUSAN from all of you!  And that made the JOSE CLAN look bad at walang mga modo!  All you had to do was check either yes or no and send back your response.  May selyo na nga at envelope enclosed in the invitation and all you had to do was to seal it and drop in a mailbox.  Mahirap bang gawin yun?


I warned both Christopher and Jaclyn not to send the invitations out to you all of you there, dahil alam kong hindi naman kayo pupunta.  But Jaclyn, who wanted to give to all of you her respect, insisted that the invitations be sent out, as you are all IMMEDIATE RELATIVES and it's the right thing to do.  She was not asking for dole outs or money or anything like that. In fact, I even emphasized to Raquel na ang "IMPORTANTE" diyan, are your RSVP's. 


But Jaclyn's attempt in reaching out to all of you was foiled.  Y'all rejected her and ignored her invitation.


Hindi naman basta-basta itong Rostie family that Chris will be marrying into.  In fact, the family is one of the pillars of the town of Brighton in Colorado. The family owns a professional plaza in town and real-estate properties. They have a private plane, a runway and a hangar in their backyard, and own the small-plane airport in town. In other words, the Rostie family is a wealthy family. A well-known and well-respected family in their town. 


When Raquel told me that she had received all the invitations and said: "O sige, magpapadala kami ng pera sa kanila," I almost laughed and wanted to tell her that that's not needed.  But I didn't want to make YABANG, so I just said, "Ang importatnte diyan, yung RSVP ninyo."  I told her over and over, "RSVP, RSVP, RSVP."  Hindi PERA!


This is really an EMBARRASSMENT for the Jose clan!  We are going to be looked at as a socially-inept family.  Nakakahiya ang mga "Jose." And it's a crying shame for Jaclyn that she's going to be a Jose, too. 


Matuto naman sana kayong lahat ng konting urbanidad, mga kapatid ko.  Learn how to open your hearts ... and your mind.  Learn how to respond and reach out to people who are trying to reach out to you. 


At bawasan ang mga high-faluting na yabang, especially you, my dear Raquel!  And I am going to say it again: Kung meron masters si Jeje sa nursing, she's an ARNP, who sees patients in an office and prescribes medications to them.  I use the VA hospital here in Seattle, so I know.  ARNP's do not write out the nurses' working schedules.  And there's no such thing as having a masters in "nursing technology."  I am not knocking Jeje down.  Please get me wrong.  But I am not stupid either to believe that kind of bola.  Let's stop all these high-faluting yabang.  Because I am not impressed.  O naiinggit.  Please let's be truthful to each other.  I am your brother, and whatever good things that come your way, I'll always be happy for you.  I have no reason na mainggit sa 'yo o sa mg anak mo.


O sige na, pinatawad ko na rin kayong lahat dito sa kahihiyan na ibinigay ninyo sa amin.  But I had to say all these things that I've saidMabuti na yung tapatan, kaysa nagbobolahan. Tumatanda na tayong lahat. Tama na yun pa-impress-impress at mga high faluting ng mga bolahan. 


God bless all of you and take care. 




Hi Maribel,


A few questions.


1.  I have not received RSVP's back from these people, if you can confirm if they are coming or not, or have them mail the card back, that would be great!


We need a final count:)


Quentin & Margaret de Jesus 

Belle Jose

Cora Jose

Joey Jose

Socrates Jose

Rose Jose

Alex & Raquel Lim

Kirsten Lim & Roderick Enriquez


2.  I'm working on finalizing the details for the rehearsal dinner . . .

Please feel free to add or subtract anything.  if you would like, I can forward a menu to you.  I also want to ask them, if there are other drinks available and price (like lemonade or ice tea).  For the wedding, we are paying for both, by the gallon.  I need to get back with the hotel this week, with a better idea of what we would like.


3.  Filipino Wedding Tradition.

Chris says you will be borrowing a veil and cord for the ceremony?  I have created our wedding program with the Candle, Veil, Cord, and Coin Ceremonies, but, hoping you can tweak it at rehearsal if needed. Also, wondering if you will have the coins also, or do I need to get them? We will get the unity candles.


Hope all is well in Seattle, things are coming up fast!!! So excited about Chris' new job and we are finalizing the paperwork on our first apartment!!!  



P.S. Beautiful Seattle Reception invites!  Oh - and hoping you got the engagement pictures I mailed a few weeks ago.


So what do y'all think, Dear Readers?  Is this airing dirty laundry?  My wife said it is.  I don't think so. It's a Barako story. Blunt and honest and fearless and orig ... hindi Googled o kopya. 


My wife also said I am gonna get ostracized by my siblings for this. Ostracized for speaking the truth?  Oh well, it won't be the first time and it won't the last time, for I don't have forked tongue . . . Dear Readers, thank you for reading my column this week. That's all. JJ





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Last Updated on Sunday, 01 August 2010 13:41
Comments (7)
1 Thursday, 22 July 2010 13:16
Pareng Jesse,

You've got to unload if off your chest. It happens to any family as large as yours. And I don't think it's dirty laundry. The fact is you're very candid. At the same time, you're fuming and bleeding from the apparent snobbery.

Understandably so because this is your family, and it's your kid on the way to creating his own Jose family. "La familla" first, as the Godfather stories repeatedly stress. Hopefully, your siblings would relent and give their blessings to this marriage regardless of circumstances.

It's good though that the young couple chose to ignore your sibling rivalries and went ahead to invite them. That shows they're above the fray. Best wishes to them and to you, pare, for writing from the heart. It's so touching.

Romy Marquez
Hi Jesse,

I'm sorry to hear about this. Masyado akong nalungkot. Anyway, pupunta naman lahat ang Navarros from Vancouver in September.

I hope Jaclyn got the RSVP mailed last week.

Be happy you will be celebrating two most important occasions in your life this year. Those are God's blessing.

See you in September.

Take care and regards to Belle.

Tess Navarro (Vancouver, Canada)
3 Friday, 23 July 2010 07:22
Kuya, first of all I feel all your pride and excitement on this special day for a very special person. It is a big achievement for a parent like you to raise up a son like him and to have a wonderful partner ( future daughter in law) to top it all. I am very proud of you. No matter how and when we received the invititations it does not matter by now. With all due respect did you ever wonder why there is no response? There may not be any excuses due to the fact that we all have personal lives and problems. It would be truly touching though if you truly wonder why. Personalized phone calls are so handy to ask us "what's up guys?" Seeing our mother aging, husband sick, son sick, etc,etc,etc. It is very softening to our hearts. Extra miles will go a long way. Hurting words to the public about us is not only overwhelming and not acceptable I have to say. Our children (they are not children anymore and I still hope they will still be forgiving regarding on our opinions) see this and I do not want to destroy us. We may not be communicating regularly but we all think of each other one way or the other. No matter what we apologize for not responding ( thought we should respond by July 31 for the reception? Again I may be wrong I apologize). Let us stay together in caring thoughts, covering each other and standing up for each other even though it crucifies our feelings. The mere fact that you may be embarrassed for us not responding means to me that our presence would make a difference. I know there is love. Our greatest happiness for him and your entire family.
Margaret de Jesus

How very sad that your siblings, instead celebrating the most memorable event in Chris' life-the marriage to the love of his life-Jaclyn, they completely ignore it, as if they didn't exist. I cannot imagine how much this hurts you.

That being said-as my father used to tell me (he was a very wise and gentleman)- they made this decision; it is one they will have to live with for a lifetime. Something similar happened btwn me and my sister some 30 years ago. I have forgiven her and moved. But I have never forgotten.

Now that you have told them how you feel, you can now move on and give thanks to Our Lord for this wonderful blessing-the wedding of your son.

I can see by your words that you are a very proud father and are very excited by this upcoming marriage. Jaclyn seems to be very happy as well, by her own words, to become a member of the Jose family.

Congrats to you and Maribel. Tara and I look forward to meeting this new Jose family in August.

God Bless you and your family. You are a very lucky man.

5 Friday, 23 July 2010 16:00
My dear sister, Anggot,

First of all, salamat sa comment mo and for those kind words that you wrote. Sana naman nag-CC ka sa akin. I read your letter doon na lang sa Mabuhyradio website.

I did not not dictate to these readers what they said. It's their opinions on the matter. I have no control on their thoughts, and how they "judge" my letter to all of you. Please don't blame me for that.

I really think your excuses for not responding to Jaclyn's invitation and sending back an RSVP are so FLIMSY. Dahil busy kayo? As I said in that published LETTER, mahirap ba naman gawin yung mag-RSVP to the invitation of Chris and Jaclyn? All you had to do was to check either yes or no, seal the envelope and drop it in a mailbox. May selyo na rin yung envelope. How much of your time would that take away from your "busy" schedule?

Nakakapagtaka, over two-hundred invitations were sent out, pero kayo lang ang hindi nag-response. The whole JOSE clan! That silence from all of you sent a very loud message. What message you are all trying to convey, mahirap isipin.

So okay, I could have called, right? Bakit hindi kayo ang tumawag sa akin? The invitation were sent out to all of you. The ball was in your court to respond. You all -- or one of you -- could have also easily picked up phone, too, and said: "O Kuya, hindi kami makakakapunta, Sabihin mo na lang kay Jaclyn at kay Chris." That would have sufficed. I could have covered for all of you. Pero, siempre iba na yun nag-RSVP kayo. This is a wedding of a Jose and you guys -- the Jose Clan -- are supposed to be on the other side of the "aisle" of this Jose/Rostie wedding, joining in the celebration of this joyous ocassion.

Pero, ni isang note of "congratulations," WALA!!!

Also, why do I have to initiate phone calls to all of you every time? Why can't you all initiate it, for a change? I have to call three or four times, several times sometimes, in fact, before my phone calls are returned. Like when I called you para kamustahin si Mark. It took me three phone calls before you returned my calls.

But this is not the issue here.

Ang isyu dito is the collective silence from all of you to the wedding invitation of Chris and Jaclyn na binale-wala ninyo. I think that's a MEAN and CRUEL thing to do to Chris and Jaclyn, and an EMBARRASSMENT to Maribel and me. Pero, like I said, pinatawad ko na kayo.

Dahil mga kapatid ko kayo ... at mahal ko kayo.


In a message dated 7/23/2010 1:28:53 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, anggot@ writes:


It is nice that you have all the means to see your side.

Unfortunately, there is no one for our side who could do it but one thing for sure I have said what it is. It would also be humane if there is no judging and be non conclusive. I am stopping this message from here.

Margaret de Jesus
6 Wednesday, 28 July 2010 06:24
July 27, 2010


Finally, I can sit down and respond to you to clarify things.

On June 15, 2010, I received all the invitations mailed to my address and I immediately called you up that I received them. I told you that I will not be able to make it because the children (Kirsten and RJ) sold their house in Orlando and they are staying in my house temporarily and Jojo and his family will be coming home to visit. Thus, I have to prepare for their arrivals. On top of their moving, I go to Inay almost every day either to pick up the medicines at Walgreens, give her dinner, assist Joey on her needs or simply watching TFC with her. Perhaps, you are not aware how Inay is slowly aging more and more. She cries a lot and she mentions your name often. Joey is overburdened, too, he not only takes care of our mother, he has a full time job with big responsibility. In fact, Alex is working with him to assist on the paperworks of his department. Many evenings, I go home at 9:00, just in time for Alex to come home and have dinner with him. Please take note, too, that I have a full time job and after work, I have to pick up the grandchildren in school and bring them to their ball practices and wait for their dad to relieve me. From the ballfield, I go to Inay, give her company and wait for Joey to come home. This is my schedule for the day.

Thus, when I received the first set of invitations, I brought these to Inay’s house and told her to tell everybody to respond. I also received another set of invitations mailed to my house and gave these all to Inay. During that period to respond, Inay got sick of shingles and we had to rush her to the emergency room of Palms West. She had been vomiting, couldn’t eat and very weak. In fact, Joey, Anggot and I have been calling in sick for the past weeks just to take care of Inay’s illness. All of our other sisters have scheduled days to take care of her. Please, don’t forget that Anggot has a husband and a son who are also sick. Please don’t forget, too, that Joey is limping because of his feet and he is losing weight gradually.

We are very happy for you, for Maribel, for Chris and for Jackie. Please remember that I also have a daughter who is getting married and I know how excited you are for the big event. We always wish the best for the children.

Issue about Jeje,’s masters in science in nursing:

.After telling you that I can’t go to Chris’s wedding, you asked me how is Jessielee? I told you that I saw her in the fitting of the wedding gown of Kirsten. You asked me what is she doing and I responded that she is in Tampa, Florida and working in the VA. You asked me whether she is a registered nurse or LPN and I responded that she is LPN but she can go further studies because the hospital has educational benefits. I gave my daughter as an example how she finished her masters in science in nursing by asking reimbursements for every subject completed. You asked me whether she prescribes medicine, I said no because she is not a nurse practitioner. Being a nurse practitioner requires further study from six months to one year after obtaining your masters degree. Jeje obtained her MSN and she has not started yet her degree in being a nurse practitioner. All I know is she is upstairs assisting the nurse manager. Anggot, too, got her masters degree and she is in the ICU, not prescribing medicine.

Kuya, I am not making yabang of my children’s educational attainment. Anybody can get an education as long as you are college material, get a loan and parents’ help. I am more proud of my children especially with Jeje when she listened to me about forgiving her husband and keeping the family and marriage intact. Love and forgiveness are the hardest to attain in life and this can’t happen if you don’t have Jesus in your heart.

FYI, everybody knows about your article globally except my own family (Alex and my children) *. I desire not to let them know because I don’t want them to be opionated and I want to maintain peace within the Jose’s clan. After all, Kuya, you are still our big brother and we all love you.

Thank you,


* As of tonight, Kirsten confronted me what is happening with Tito Jessie. Andrei told her about the published article. I told Kirsten not to tell her dad and Jeje .
7 Friday, 03 December 2010 20:32
bottom line, whether we all have lives of our own, we are still family and should never forget. My ninong Jesse, had every right to be hurt. As the oldest of our family, if my own brothers and wives did not acknowledge my child...all hell would break lose and i would be extremely hurt. All of you are professional, and should not have any excuse or reason other than selfish motives on your end. If the shoes were on the other foot, you all would feel the same as my Ninong Jess. More power and I hope you all hurt from the words off his pen.
Family should always be first no matter what and extended families will always understand.
I am also a my dad is my Ninong's cousin....

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