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Oct 01st
Home Columns A Cup O' Kapeng Barako Laugh and the Whole World Laughs With You ... and the Bucket List
Laugh and the Whole World Laughs With You ... and the Bucket List PDF Print E-mail
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Columns - A Cup O' Kapeng Barako
Written by Jesse Jose   
Tuesday, 13 May 2014 12:44

By Jesse Jose
A Cup O' Kapeng Barako

M ag-dyok muna tayo.  For it's true, laugh and whole world laughs with you.  What America needs is more laughter.
And dyoks such as this must be shared with Barako readers of my column.  It was sent to me with a note that reads, "JJ, a little humor for you today. LOL" by a fellow DOM and my mentor on the art of Bwahahahaha. 
You should all know him by now.  I've made him and his unique bwahahahaha laughter famous through several stories in my columns, and in a couple of books I've put together that contained many of my most-hated writings and this laughter that I've adopted from this mentor of mine.
Here's the dyok.  It's about a man named, Tonto "Bubba" Goldstein.
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
FROM THE WAIST DOWN, I AM BLACK: The next dyok is mine.  I think I've told this story before.  But it bears repeating because it seems to resemble like the one above.  This didn't happen on a plane though.  It happened in our neighborhood Starbucks coffee shop.
This neighborhood where I live, called Lakeland Hills, is a white neighborhood.  You don't usually see Asians, Blacks and other minorities here.  It's an exclusive community.  So, at this Starbucks, you only see "whites," so to speak.
Most of the baristas that work here are young and pretty.  And I often come here walking for a mile or so for my exercise and for my daily dose of "tall drip," but really, primarily, to ogle at the pretty baristas that work at this coffee shop.
One morning while ogling my favorite barista serving my coffee, she asked: "What are you?"
"What do you mean, what am I?" I asked, while staring at her young, bulging breasts.
"I mean, what's your ethnicity?  I don't see too many like you here in this neighborhood," she said.
"Well," I said, "I am half n' half, like the creamer I mixed with my coffee."
"What do you mean, you're half n' half?" she asked.
"Well," I said, ""From the waist down, I am Black, but from the waist up, I am White, and I can wiggle and rotate my hips real good."
"I like that," she answered with a toothy smile.
"I like that, too," I answered, while ogling hard at her bulging breast and taking a noisy sucking sip at the cup of coffee she just served me.
BUCKET LIST FOR 2014, 2015, 20 16: Now, what follows is not a dyok.  It's true.  All of it.  And I totally agree.  It was sent to me by a fellow Barako, who is U.S.military retiree like me and a Knight of the Knights of Columbus, with a note that says: "We are getting older and our tickers aren't what they used to be ... so here is our special Bucket list for the next three years. 
"Only 86% will send this on," he said.  "Should be 100%.  What will you do?  Please send it on if only to one person."
Brother Dave," I replied.  "I think I'll incorporate it in one of my columns.  I agree with all of them.  May I add the word, "PALAMUNIN" though on Bucket List number 9?"
"Brother Jesse, please do," Brother Dave answered. 
Here they are, Dear Readers.  Enjoy.
1. Obama: Farewell!
2. Put "God" in America!!!
3. Borders: Closed!
4. Congress: On the same Retirements and Health Care as everybody else!
5. Congress: Obey its laws NOW!
6. Language: English only!
7.  Culture: Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!
8.  Drug Free: Mandatory drug screening before and during Welfare!
9.  NO FREEBIES to Non-citizens and PALAMUNINS!
10. Balance the budget!
11. Stop giving away our money to foreign countries!  Charge them for our help!  We need it here!
12.  Fix the TAX CODE!
13.  Respect our MILITARY and OUR FLAG!
PS: May also expound on number one?  According to Real-Clear Politics, the polling averages show that last month, only 15 percent of Americans saw the country as being on the right track; 73 % said it was moving in the wrong direction! 
That says it all, so that's all.  JJ  

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