As I begin to write this story … I don’t know what to write about yet.  So, I titled this for now, “Untitled pa …”

What keeps turning over my mind is the Filipino dyok that follows.  It’s a classic now and rightly so.  At first, it looks like a dyok, but if you’re going to take a second look of it and analyze it a little, it’s actually TRUE among many Filipino friendships.  Here goes: short and sweet, but the message goes a long, long way, I think.  Enjoy.

Dalawang mag-kumpare.  Si Dong at si Bong.  Parehong mayabang.  Isang araw, nag-usap sila.

Dong: “Pare, ang galing ng aso kong si BHO.  Araw-araw, tuwing umaga, pagka-magkakape na ako, dinadala sa akin yung diario ko.”

Bong: “Alam ko …”

Dong: “Ha?  Papano mo nalaman?”

Bong: “Sabi sa akin ng aso ko.”

A nd that reminds me of a “DidoSphere” column, titled “Illegal Self Defense Techniques,” written by Dido (last name unknown) that appeared last week in Chicago’s Fil-AM MegaScene and on the Internet, and in a mass e-mail sent to the world of Yahoos and beyond.

No doubt about it, it was very well-written.  Dido is a talented writer … or shall I say, a talented FANTASY writer.  The BARAKO word for FANTASY WRITER, is … bullshitter!

Anyway … Dido said that he’s trained in several kinds of martial arts: Muay Thai, Pentjak Silat. Arnis, Goju Ryu, Kempo, Tae Kwon Do, Gung Fu, Kick Boxing, Wrestling, Aikido and Brazilian Jujitsu.

He also said that he was an amateur boxer and a Division II wrestler in college and that he’d “beaten opponents with one hand.”  And that his best techniques are such exotic-sounding names like the “flying guillotine,” the “kimura,” the “rear naked choke,” and many others too many to repeat and enumerate.

“Whether you’re man or a woman, young or old, muscular or frail,” Dido added, “I am confident that the self-defense techniques I will show you through these written instructions will enable you to walk away with your head up high and with confidence that you will be able to protect yourself in any physical confrontation.”

E arn your Black Belt in five minutes through Dido’s column, ha?  I tell ya, I LAUGHED MY REAR END OFF WHEN I READ DIDO’S STORY!  In fact, I swear, I almost choked from it.  Dido reminds of Bong in that dyok above … that I couldn’t help write this comment to him, CC the gang of DOMs:

Pareng Dido,

Wowowee!  I am impressed.  You’re awesome.  You’re Bruce Lee-Jackie Chan-Chuck Norris-Pacman-Superman rolled into one.  May I ask a question?  Is your Manong Perry (Diaz) aware of your amazing feats?

Immediately, JGL came on line and said this:

You missed two others: David Carradine and Pat Morita.”

Don Azarias came on next and said:

Pareng Jesse and Idol JGL,

Then Dido, sensing the brewing fun and laughter generated by his awesome fantasy story, jumped into the bandwagon and said:

Don’t forget Tony Ferrer, Eddie Fernandez, Bernard Bonin and Roberto Gonzalez who just recently died …

Then I wrote Perry Diaz, aka, Scoop.  Because of the way he would “outscoop” many of us, Fil-Ams ng mga journalists kuno, I nicknamed Perry, “Scoop.”  I also consider Perry a colleague, and a friend.  I think journalists are good people.  Most are highly intelligent, well informed and opinionated, and I like intelligent, well-informed and opinionated people.  So there.  Believe me, as enemies they’re of the worst kind, but as friends, they’re the BEST!  So, I’d rather be friends with the lot of them.  I am a coward, you see.

Anyway … Here’s what I said to Perry:

Hey Scoop,

You copying all these traffic?  Your silence is deafening.  Say mo kay Dido, pare ko?  Are you going to describe to us in detail, too, your secret weapons of destruction?  You know, where in one swift, silent, quicker-than-the-eye move, you can send any of your foes -- no matter how big and muscular they are -- to their final resting place.

So, come out, Scoop and be heard by all, especially by Dido.  Tell ‘em about your one-hand “grab and crush” technique.  And your “forefinger stab into the heart.”  Or that “middle finger up da nose” to rip up the face of your opponent.  Go, Scoop …

Then, suddenly out of nowhere, my Erapok, Bart, aka, BTubalinalCPA or simply BT, came into the fray and said:

Erapok (we call each other by that name),

I really admire your style of EMBARRASSING people.  Suaveng-suave.  (Smiley, smiley, smiley)  And you are good also sa pang-gagatong ng tao.  (Smiley, smiley, smiley)  Talab na talab doon sa ginagatungan.  I love the way you make them “pasok” sa mga pakulo mo!  Lalo na si Lariosa.  Ha, ha, ha!  Continue sa iyong pang-aasar.  You provide enjoyable comedies to everybody.  Ha, ha, ha!

Okey ngarud … in whatever way I can contribute to da people, will do.  But for now, folks, that’s all.  As to the title of this story … yeah, UNTITLED pa rin.  JJ