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May 29th
Home Sections Humor & Satire A Scoop: CNNkuno Obtains Details of Donald Trump's Alleged 10-Point Plan to Defeat the ISIS
A Scoop: CNNkuno Obtains Details of Donald Trump's Alleged 10-Point Plan to Defeat the ISIS PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Goliath Letterman   
Wednesday, 07 September 2016 22:52

Dateline New York City, Sept. 8, 2016, by the Coconut News Network (CNNkuno), the home for reports that are not necessarily real news.

A Satire by Goliath Letterman (not related to David Letterman)

The CNNkuno has obtained a document that supposedly describes Donald Trump's plan to defeat the ISIS, in case he is elected the President.

H ere are supposedly the details of a President Donald Trump's military plan to defeat the ISIS -- after he has asked all his 88 retired generals and admirals to finalize within 30 days the overall plan to defeat the ISIS, including how to recruit "volunteer" soldiers and support enlisted men and women.

1.0  As Commander-in-Chief, he will order his generals and Homeland Security people to round-up the 11-million illegal immigrants and all refugees. Then they have to confine all the able-bodied men and women in military camps for army training. The woman volunteers will be assigned to the medical corps and aging "volunteers" to engineering brigades that will construct replicas of the "Trump Wall" originally intended for the U.S.-Mexico border..

        1.1  He will offer them (and their non-able-bodied and/or minor relatives) a chance to obtain a Green Card each if they join an AEFIS, the acronym of the American Expeditionary Force to Iraq and Syria -- that is, if they survive the all-out war against the ISIS.

2.0  The same modus operandi or tactic will be used in apprehending drug addicts and pushers and "persuading" them to join the AEFIS. If they refuse the draft offer, they will be sent just the same to Iraq or Syria for forced drug rehabilitation. If they don't join the AEFIS, they will be sent to the rehab centers in the Middle East without any armaments, bullet-proof vests, helmets and armored vehicles.
3.0  He will draft also all-able-bodied prisoners in all federal and state prisons to join the AEFIS in exchange for a full pardon -- if they come home alive from Syria and Iraq.
4.0  He will also draft all able-bodied members of the LGBT community to join the AEFIS in exchange for full support of their campaign against AIDS and other diseases affecting gay people.

5.0  He will also draft all able-bodied but unemployed or under-employed African Americans, Asian Americans, Muslim Americans and Native-American Indians to join the AEFIS in exchange for permanent pension provided of course that they come home alive.

6.0  He will also instruct law-enforcement agencies to apprehend all gang members (whether they are American citizens or not) to join forcibly the AEFIS in exchange for pardon, permanent pension and/or Green Card (to the undocumented) provided of course that they come home alive.

7.0  He will also draft all able-bodied young members of the Democratic, Libertarian and Green parties to join the AEFIS in exchange for permanent pension or educational grant provided of course that they come home alive.

8.0  He will offer all students and graduates who have big student loans to join the AEFIS in exchange for total debt relief provided of course that they come home alive.

9.0  He will ask Russia to provide all the necessary equipment, armor, arms, aircraft, MREs and other rations . And ...

10.0 To reimburse the Russians, he will offer them the chance to buy back Alaska and the repurchase price should be enough to settle all the advances for the AEFIS and pay salaries, fringe benefits of, and all other rewards that will be promised, the AEFIS volunteers, oops, members.
        10.1 The plan will also give the volunteers and those drafted for the AEFIS some financial compensation if they do not come back from the war against the ISIS. The Russians will also advance the costs of the planned compensation for those who perish in the battlefield. There will be additional financial incentive for the Russians, who will also be asked to market the crude oil that the AEFIS will be able to tap and transport to buyers in Europe.

A Trump surrogate says also that his boss' plan to defeat the ISIS will solve almost all of socioeconomic problems of the United States without bankrupting the treasury. He says finally that former Governor Sarah Palin has allegedly promised Mr. Trump her full support in selling back Alaska to the Russians.

The Trump Camp thinks that there will be enough incentive for all the illegal aliens, refugees, gang members and others to motivate them to train and fight, so as to rout and permanently defeat the ISIS. This move will virtually reduce unemployment to perhaps less-than one percent.

Finally, the Trump surrogate opined that this supposed brilliant plan of Mr. Trump will earn him the Nobel Peace Prize, the Nobel Prize for Economics and Nobel Prize for Literature (as he would turn his AEFIS project into an expected best seller). Mr. Trump will garner the first trifecta in the Nobel Prize history

CAUTION. Editor's Note: The views and opinions gathered by Goliath Letterman from his sources for this scoop do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of this online publication's editors and staff members. # # #

Last Updated on Wednesday, 07 September 2016 23:05

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