A Satire by Goliath Letterman

B ob Arum thinks that Manny Pacquiao, his megastar-boxing champ of a client and ward, has run out of decent opponents. This was after now-Philippine Congressman Pacquiao demolished Antonio Margarito Saturday night (November 13^th) in 12 ho-hum rounds at the Dallas Cowboys’ Stadium.

Unconfirmed reports say that Atty. Arum will bring back to the boxing world retired heavyweight champion George Foreman to face Manny Pacquiao at the Dallas Cowboys’ Stadium. The date is Saturday night, Feb. 5, 2011. It is the night before the 2011 Super Bowl, which will be held for the first time at the new Cowboys’ Stadium in Arlington, Texas.

To read a classic report on the Pacquiao-Margarito fight, please browse Bill Dwyre’s article in the Los Angeles Times in this hyperlink, Less is more with Pacquiao

A spokesman of Bob Arum’s Top Rank, Inc., who requested anonymity as he has not been authorized yet to reveal the details, says that the pre-Super Bowl event will be dubbed the “Pacquiao-Foreman Confrontasi (sic) at the Cowboy’s Stadium.” It will be set for 15 expectedly-bloody rounds. The term “confrontasi” is derived from the Bahasa Indonesian word for “confrontation.” Why use an Indonesian term will be revealed at the end of this report.

For the first time in boxing history, a series of massive Tailgating Parties will precede the “Pacquiao-Foreman Confrontasi” and the Super Bowl. Atty. Arum, Mr. Foreman and Congressman Pacquiao will introduce new food products at the “tailgate parties” that will be cooked so that boxing and football fans can sample them.

The new food items that will make their debut at the “Pacquiao-Foreman Confrontasi” are the Oscar de la Hoya Pancakes, the “Buenos Diaz” cereal of David Diaz, the Miguel Cottoage Cheese, the Antonio Margarito’s Margarine and Margarito’s Margarita, the Clottey’s Joshua-tree charcoal and the Ricky Hatton’s English beef patsies, oops patties.

The Arum spokesman hinted that several new varieties of flour and corn tortilla, tamales and other Mexican recipes will be unveiled at the tailgate parties and named after Juan Manuel Marquez, Erik Morales and Marco Antonio Barrera.

Reports say that the Dallas Cowboys’ cheerleaders will demonstrate the cooking processes during the tailgating parties at the “Pacquiao-Foreman Confrontasi.” To view the beautiful-and-sexy cooks, please go to this website, www.dallascowboyscheerleaders.com.

By the way, the longer name of the Feb. 5, 2011, showdown in Dallas is the “Pacquiao-Foreman Confrontasi at the Grill at the Cowboys' Stadium.” George Foreman will bring his prized grills (www.mygeorgeforemangrill.com) to face off Manny Pacquiao’s new line of cooking utensils reportedly under the trade mark “Pacquiao-Arum Collection of Multiuse Array of New (PACMAN) Grills and Pressure Cookers.” The Pacquiao-Arum Grills will be called in the Philippines as the “PACMAN Lutong Macao” line of barbecue and grilling equipment.

Yes, the Pacquiao-Foreman "Confrontasi" is a cook-off and cooking competition. It is not a boxing bout. Texas or any other state will not of course give a boxing license to Mr. Foreman, a retired heavyweight champ. He is too old for boxing. But George Foreman is just a tad older than what critics—like this website’s Columnist Jesse Jose—call Mr. Pacquiao’s recent opponents as “has-been” boxers.

Finally, why use an Indonesian term for the cook-off and cooking competition? The event will have its top-of-the-line and headliner of a barbecue. It will be called the Floyd Mayweather’s Sate Ayam. “Sate” is the Bahasa-Indonesian term for barbecue. And “Ayam” is the Indonesian word for chicken. # # #