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Jun 10th
Home Sections Humor & Satire HorrorScope (sic) that You Can Send to Your Former Friends
HorrorScope (sic) that You Can Send to Your Former Friends PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Friday, 19 October 2007 14:51

Perhaps people with a disarming sense of humor can send this MabuhayRadio version of the HorrorScope, oops, Horoscope, to their pals, especially their former friends (FFs). This was taken from a version that is being passed on like a "chain letter" in the Internet World. And there are Filipino and Filipino-American suckers who are being born every day (the so-called Born-Again Suckers.) Below are the make-believe descriptions of the zodiac signs. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. And the chain letter says that if one tries ignoring or changing it, and the first thing one will notice is that he/she should have a horrible day starting the next morning – and it only gets worse from there. This just proves that with your pals who are zodiac-sign addicts, then, who would need enemies? But then according to Don Vito, you keep your friends close and your enemies, closer.

Virgo12VIRGO - The Perfectionist Dominant in relationships like the Americans vis-à-vis the Filipino leaders. Conservative like the Filipino Republicans. Always wants the last word like the Filipino clergy. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart like Bobby Reyes. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic. Seven years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Scorpio12SCORPIO - The Intense One Very energetic. Intelligent like the MabuhayRadio (MR) columnists, writers and yes, the webmaster, Allan Albert. Can be jealous and/or possessive like the MR staffers’ spouses. Hardworking like Hector Santos and his fellow PHGLA members. Great kisser like Jesse Jose. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges like Greg Macabenta, Rodel Rodis, et al. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative like the NaFFAA national executive officers (NEOs) but do no action, as in NATO (No Action, Talk Only). Romantic like Anita, the Filipino Fairy Godmother. Can be self-centered at times like the perrytale writer, who thinks he is the center of the Filipino literary universe. Passionate and Emotional like Romy P. Marquez. Four years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Libra12LIBRA - The Harmonizer Nice to everyone they meet like Nestor Duldulao. Can't make up their mind like Loida Nicolas Lewis. Have own unique appeal like Copper, the Tumbagang Isda. Creative, energetic, and very social like the members of the Filipino-American Chamber of Commerce of Orange County. Hates to be alone with in-laws, especially with their mother-in-law. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious like Anita, the Filipino Fairy Godmother. Give in too easily like the FANHS officers. Procrastinators like most Filipinos. Very gullible like Rodel Rodis and the FANHS members. Nine years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Aries12ARIES – The Daredevil Energetic like the Energizer Bunny and/or Hector Santos. Adventurous like Bobby Manasan and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic like the Kalayaan Dream-Team members. Fun like Bicolanos. Loves a challenge like Dr. Eddie AAA Calderon. EXTREMELY impatient like Prof. Cesar Torres. Sometimes selfish like the NaFFAA crooks. Short fuse and, hence, should not light any firework. (easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit like Fred Burce Bunao. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly – easily bored, especially when appointed or elected to the NaFFAA National Bored of Directors. Egotistical like the perrytale writer. Courageous and assertive like Bobby Reyes. Tends to be physical and athletic like the Filipino-American golfers. Sixteen years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Aquarius12AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart Optimistic and honest like Alfred Gilo. Sweet personality like Anita, the Filipino Fairy Godmother. Very independent like many Filipino dentists. Inventive and intelligent like Bobby Reyes. Friendly and loyal like Nat John Duenas. Can seem unemotional like Ernie Delfin. Can be a bit rebellious like Jesse Jose. Very stubborn, but original and unique like Joseph Lariosa. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality like the NaFFAA founders. Eleven years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Gemini12GEMINI - The Chatterbox Smart and witty like the MabuhayRadio columnists and contributors. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic like the Knights of Rizal. Adaptable but needs to express themselves properly like the Fil-Am wannabe writers. Argumentative and outspoken like Dr. Eddie AAA Calderon. Likes change (only loose change) like the NaFFAA NEOs. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense like Jon Melegrito. Gossips like the perrytale writer. May seem superficial or inconsistent like Dionesio Batongmaliit but is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally like most Filipino nurses. Five years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Leo12LEO - The Boss Very organized, unlike the NaFFAA. Need order in their lives – like being in control like Col. Frank Quesada. Like boundaries the geodetic engineer, Alfred Gilo. Tend to take over everything like GMA. Bossy like the First Gentleman. Like to help others like the FACLA directors. Social and outgoing like Col. Romy Monteyro. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted like Nene Pimentel. Sensitive like GMA and the FG. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving like the Filipino Fairy Godmother. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive like many Filipino brides. Thirteen years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Cancer12CANCER - The Protector Moody, emotional like Doy Heredia. May be shy like Bobby Reyes (?). Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome like most Bicolnons. Excellent partners for life like Dr. and Mrs. Jose Baldonado of the FACLA, who are soon celebrating their 49th wedding anniversary. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious like most Filipino diplomats. Touchy-feely kind of person like Alma Q. Kern. Needs love from others like Anita, the Filipino Fairy Godmother. Easily hurt, but sympathetic, especially if their friends develop any kind of tumor (cancer). Sixteen years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Pisces12PISCES - The Dreamer Generous, kind, and thoughtful like most Bicolnons. Very creative and imaginative like most NaFFAA critics are. May become secretive and vague like the NaFFAA treasurer, Ludy Corrales. Sensitive, if not onion-skinned, like most Filipino national leaders and/or the NaFFAA NEOs. Don't like details—again like the NaFFAA NEOs. Dreamy and unrealistic like most wannabe Overseas-Filipino political leaders and the NaFFAA NEOs. Sympathetic and loving like Joy Bruce. Kind like the Bruce Siblings. Unselfish like the Bruce Siblings. Good kisser like Dr. Eddie AAA Calderon. Beautiful. Eight years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Capricorn12CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter Patient (like the hospital patients) and wise like their physicians? Practical and rigid. Ambitious like Caesar but must watch out for Brutus-like friends. Tends to be good-looking like most Bicolnons. Humorous and funny like Poet-pundit Fred Burce Bunao. Can be a bit shy and reserved like Mr. Bunao. Often pessimists, although loves to drink bottoms-up half-empty bottles of wine or beer. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly at times. Hold grudges like Ludy Corrales. Like competition. Get what they want, whether legal or not, like the NaFFAA NEOs. Twenty years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Taurus12TAURUS - The Enduring One Charming but aggressive like Apo Ernie Gange. Can come off as boring when they are elected to the Bored of Directors of any association or company, but they are not. Hard working like Ed Navarra. Warm-hearted like Willie DeChavez. Strong, has endurance, especially if he/she is taking energy drinks. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways like Jay Caedo. Not looking for shortcuts but can cut corners like teenage drivers. Take pride in their beauty like many Filipino women. Patient (even if not confined in a hospital) and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice like Eddie Ilarde. Loving and kind. Loves hard – passionate (again) like Ms. Anita ... Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums like most grandchildren. Determined. Indulge themselves often like the NaFFAA NEOs. Very generous, especially to in-laws. Twelve years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

Sagittarius12SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One Good-natured optimist like most Filipino optometrists and eye doctors. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome) but likes to add inches to his/her height. Indulges self. Boastful like the perrytale writer. Likes luxuries and gambling like most Filipino visitors to Las Vegas. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes like the perrytale writer. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious like Anita, the Filipino Fairy Godmother. Doesn't like rules like Bobby Manasan. Sometimes hypocritical like Rodel Rodis, et al. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes (like Ben Menor?). Doesn't like being doubted like Tito Cortez (Ben Menor’s former brother-in-law). Beautiful inside and out. Fourteen years of bad luck for your FFs if they do not forward it to their enemies.

~Send away!!~ ready ........ set............ GO!
Here are your rewards if you forward this article to your friends:
1-3 people= 1 minute of luck
4-7 people= 1 hour of luck
8-12 people = 1day of luck
13-17 people = 1 week of luck
18-22 people = 1month of luck
23-27 people = 3 months of luck
28-32 people = 7 months of luck
33-37 people = 1year of luck
38 and more = a very lucky life!

But if you do not believe in the zodiac signs, take heart. Filipino comedian Mariano Contreras (AKA Pugo) answered, "Das a las of nonsense" (That’s a lot of nonsense) when asked about the horoscope.

Well, if Readers managed to read up to this point, it simply proves that they have lots of time. Or perhaps they are entering the Golden Age (of retirees and senior citizens).

And finally, if you wondered why the best attributes were given to Bobby Reyes? He is the editor and he gets to edit everything. OK, ngarud?

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Last Updated on Saturday, 20 October 2007 12:12

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