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Jun 28th
Home Sections Humor & Satire How Donald (Don RICO) Trump Can Reinvent Himself and Possibly Win the Presidency
How Donald (Don RICO) Trump Can Reinvent Himself and Possibly Win the Presidency PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Bobby M. Reyes   
Tuesday, 26 July 2016 11:17

Fil-Am Pundits Suggest Any of Five Ways for "Don RICO" Trump to Save His Candidacy

A Political Satire by Bobby M. Reyes

T his writer just came from a brainstorming session of the Philippine-American Society of Pundits, Humorists And Wags (PASPHAW). It is a group of "Reagan Democrats" that is now supporting the candidacy of Hillary R. Clinton. I asked the PASPHAW prime movers why they would no longer support the Republican presidential slate. They answered that because of Mr. Trump's non-stop ranting and raving, he has antagonized nearly all segments of society that the GOP now faces the worst electoral defeat in the party history. As one of them said, "Don RICO" Trump "snatched defeat from the jaws of victory." As another PASPHAW leader said, "If only Mr. Trump kept his mouth shut, silenced his Twitter account and read only prepared-and-edited speeches, then his poll victory would have been assured.

The PASPHAW leaders opined also that they are trying to save Donald Trump from himself.

Editor's Note: How Mr. Trump was given the moniker "Don RICO" is explained by this PASPHAW posting in the Coconut News Network ( Facebook Group: Abadaw, Some Filipino Reagan-Democrat pundits have given Donald Trump a new moniker. They now call him "Don RICO," the Spanish term for "Mr. Rich." After all "Don RICO" Trumps loves to say that he is that rich. Besides, thousands of disgruntled "students" of the now-defunct Trump University (sic) have sued in federal court Mr. Trump and his Gang for violating the RICO Act. RICO, as in "Racketeer Influenced & Corrupt Organization" Act. -- As published first by the Coconut News Network

But the PASPHAW said that if Mr. Trump can do any or majority of five steps the Fil-Am pundits, humorists and wags are suggesting, perhaps he can still win. And save Donald Trump from himself. Here are the suggested steps:

1.0 Mr. Trump can change first his name. The suggested new name is Abraham Lincoln-Reagan. Abraham is the common patriarch of the Jews, the Christians and the Muslims. The name of Abraham should pacify the followers of the world's three biggest-and-oldest religions. And almost every voter knows who Presidents Lincoln and Reagan were. Imagine Mr. Trump being now hailed as the Second Coming of Abraham, President Lincoln and President Reagan -- all rolled into one. And/or ...

2.0 Mr. Trump can convert to the Islamic religion and as a Muslim, he can marry four times. Melania Trump can be Wife No. One. The three new wives could come from the African-, Latino- and Asian-American communities, respectively. This simple step can erase his perceived anti-Islamic, anti-African, anti-Latino and anti-Asian reputation. And/or ...

3.0 "Don RICO" can have a sex-change operation and thereby blunt the advantage of Hillary R. Clinton among woman and LGBT voters. Because he would become an instant "woman" of course and follow-in the footsteps of some prominent gay leaders. And/or ...

4.0 Instead of building a wall along the U.S.-Mexican border, Mr. Trump should just promise to relocate "Wall Street" of New York City to the said border. Thus, it will become the financial center between the two countries and more. With shopping arcades, food courts and offices, banks and hotels built in the expanded "Wall Street," it should generate many millions of jobs -- both in the Mexican and American sectors of "Wall Street." Imagine, a President Abraham Lincoln-Reagan literally changing "Wall Street" and creating a new universal financial center. 

And finally ...

5.0 Mr. Trump (AKA Abraham Lincoln-Reagan) can become the modern version of the Biblical Zacchaeus, as described in Luke 19:1-10. If Mr. Trump does not know who Zacchaeus was, his story is reproduced below. Imagine, he tells the American people and the world this Bible-based statement: "I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

5.1 Imagine Mr. Trump (AKA Abraham Lincoln-Reagan) giving half of estimated 10-billion-dollar net worth to the poorest of the poor counties for social services, safety nets, education and other worthy causes. But he has first to release his income-tax returns so the public will know his real net worth.

5.2 Imagine also Mr. Trump (AKA Abraham Lincoln-Reagan) giving each and every disgruntled student of the defunct "Trump University" (all 5,000 of them) who each paid $35,000 each approximately $140,000. The total expenditure would only amount to $700-million. Then he has more-than enough money to pay labor unions, contractors, vendors and stakeholders that lost money from his multiple filing of bankruptcy cases. He might even called the American version of the now-saint-to-be Mother Teresa.

"Wow," I told the PASPHAW prime movers that their plan is really outstanding, financially viable and all politically correct. If he does all the above-suggested moves, then nobody can beat Mr. Trump (AKA Abraham Lincoln-Reagan) in any presidential election or re-election. I said that the only problem is that people will probably start to call Mr. Trump the "ZacchaeUS Abraham Lincoln-Reagan" (AKA Father Teresa (sic). # # # 

Author's Note: Here is a reproduction of Luke 19:1-10-- as lifted from theNew International Version (NIV):

Zacchaeus the Tax Collector

19 Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy.He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-figtree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.
When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him,“Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.”So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.
All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”
But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”
Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 26 July 2016 12:29

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