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Feb 04th
Home Sections Humor & Satire How Mindanao, Sulu and Palawan Can Solve the Problems of Iraq, the USA, RP and the World
How Mindanao, Sulu and Palawan Can Solve the Problems of Iraq, the USA, RP and the World PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Saturday, 14 July 2007 01:20

First Part of an Occasional Series

The Internet has done wonders to the world of pundits, philosophers and filosopos (the Filipino word for irreverent, if not sarcastic, kind of philosophers). Even plain folks now put their thinking caps on when they participate in online debates. There is now an idea being floated of turning the islands of, and around, Mindanao, Sulu and Palawan (MINSUPALA) into the Mecca of world peace, stability and prosperity. But the first step is to grant independence to MINSUPALA, which is peopled by Muslims (divided into at least three major tribes), Christians (from several denominations) and the Lumads (the non-Christian and non-Muslim indigenous clans).

After this writer read the thoughts of Chairman Mano Cesar Torres, Nathanael John Duenas and the Apo, the venerable Satur Z. Respicio, Jr., I came up with a grand vision. Of course, I must certainly admit that this idea was inspired by the thoughts of Chairman Mano Cesar of the Bay Area about his Filipino version of the Clash of Civilizations. Inspiration came also from Nat Duenas, my favorite pundit in Northern California. Last but not the least important of course is Da Apo Satur. Many consider Apo Satur the Fil-Am thinker with the strongest voice, as he lives in Hercules, California. In fact, during the height of the NaFFAAgate and Menorgate Scandals, I almost proposed to Apo Satur that he move his residence to the City of San Jose, so that he could manage the Northside Community Center (that the NaFFAA crooks turned into a milking cow). I wanted Da Apo Satur to turn it around to become the barn, oops, the citadel of honesty, accountability and transparency. Then I said that – with Apo Satur in command – it could be renamed "The Respicio, (oops again), the Hospicio de San Jose."

Mr. Duenas has proposed online for so many summers now that the Philippines, or at least the MINSUPALA, become the Federated Republic of the Bangsa Malaya (FRBM). On the other hand, Apo Satur has batted for the reorganization and renaming of the Philippines into the Republic of the Shri-Visaya, if not the Republic of Magayon. Among Bicolanos of course, Magayon is their word for beautiful.

Land of Promise

But that was then. And this is now. Today we shall talk of the MINSUPALA becoming the ultimate solution to the problems of the Republic of the Philippines (RP), the United States of America (USA), Iraq and the world, including Afghanistan, Taiwan and others.

Yes, Mindanao can be turned from the "Land of Promise," as pledged by then Philippine President Ramon Magsaysay in the 1950s, into the "Promised Land," per the ancient belief of three of the world’s major religions.

Here is Part One of the MINSUPALA Plan. The Filipino people will have to agree in a referendum to grant independence to Mindanao, Sulu and Palawan in exchange for the MINSUPALA people paying in 10 years the more-than $100-billion (spelled with a B) foreign and domestic indebtedness of the Philippine government. Further, the MINSUPALA will have to agree to provide millions of dollars more in annual calamity aid, etcetera, and etc. to what remains of the Philippine Republic. The price, if compared to the $20-million (spelled with an M) paid by the United States to Spain for the entire Philippine archipelago looks staggering. But then as the adage says, if you ask for the price before ordering it, then you cannot afford it. Certainly, the whole world, especially the American taxpayers, could afford it – as will be explained in this presentation.

Funding Sources

Where will the MINSUPALA people get the money to literally buy their independence? This is where Part Two of the plan will kick in.

Part Two of the plan calls for the new MINSUPALA Republic to replace all the American, British and other foreign soldiers and contractors in Iraq. The monthly expenditure of $12-billion (spelled again with a B) being spent per month by the Americans will have to be paid to the MINSUPALA. In fact, to contribute also to the solving of some of the American problems such as homelessness and lack of medical care among the poor people, the plan calls for the MINSUPALA Republic to donate $50-billion per year to the Union, so that every state gets at least $1.0-billion for socioeconomic services. So, instead of the American taxpayers paying the MINSUPALA $144-billion per year, the USA will spend only a net of $94-billion. Then the MINSUPALA Republic will pay the yearly installment of $10-billion to the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund and other multilateral and bilateral lenders to settle the indebtedness of the Philippines. The net income from the Americans of the MINSUPALA people will amount only to $84-billion per year.

The British will also have to pay to the MINSUPALA their current expenditures for Iraq and Afghanistan. The NATO countries, including Canada, have also to pay to the MINSUPALA all the amounts budgeted to fund their expeditionary forces in Afghanistan. All of these payments will translate into a take-home income of more-than one trillion dollars per decade. And the people of MINSUPALA can live with that.

How the MINSUPALA can provide all the soldiers and contractors in Iraq and Afghanistan and why the MINSUPALA Plan will be acceptable to/by all the vested interests and ethnic groups in the said Islamic countries will be discussed in the next installment of this series. And why Taiwan is included in the plan? You have to read it in the second part of this series. OK, ngarud?

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Last Updated on Sunday, 15 July 2007 16:22

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Quote of the Day

If a man will begin with certainties,he shall end with doubts;but if he will be content to begin with doubts,he shall end in certainties.-- Sir Francis Bacon, 1561-1626