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May 30th
Home Sections Humor & Satire Is the Philippine Senate Now a Zoo-biri?
Is the Philippine Senate Now a Zoo-biri? PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Goliath Letterman   
Friday, 20 August 2010 07:24


How Kiko, his Fellow Kenkoys and Kikays Turned the Koko Protest into a Komedy of Errors


A Satire by Goliath Letterman


A ccording to Filipino-American wags and pundits, it appears that the Philippine Senate is no longer an august body with members acting with the dignity of elderly statesmen like a Claro M. Recto or a Lorenzo Tañada or a Quintin Paredes or an Isabelo de los Reyes or a Jose W. Diokno, a Raul Roco or an Aquilino Q. Pimentel, Jr. The humorists say that it is now functioning like a zoo, as evidenced by its handling of the Zoo-biri, oops Zubiri electoral counter-protest, if not as a political circus that is complete with clowns.


The Senate Electoral Tribunal (SET) voted during the last 14th Congress to recount over 75% of 73,000 precincts nationwide in the 2007 senatorial elections, after Juan Miguel “Migs” Zubiri filed a counter-protest to an electoral complaint filed by Atty. Aquilino “Koko” Pimentel, III.

The SET voted to do the recount, which could last beyond Migs Zubiri’s term that ends in 2013, even if it was already proven that Mr. Pimentel won over Juan Miguel Zubiri in the polls.

With just a little over a plurality of 18,000 votes, Juan Miguel Zubiri snatched the last spot in the 2007 senatorial elections from Aquilino “Koko” Pimentel,

But Migs Zubiri’s lead was promptly erased and even surpassed when the SET reviewed the election results on the basis of an election protest filed by Mr. Pimentel.

Official SET documents showed Mr. Pimentel recovered more than 257,000 votes from more than 2,600 precincts in Maguindanao, Lanao del Norte and Sur, Shariff Kabunsuan, Sultan Kudarat, Sulu and Basilan.

But while Mr. Pimentel’s apparent win was established by the tribunal way back in 2008, he could not be proclaimed because Migs Zubiri filed a counter protest.


No Solomon in the Senate?


T he Filipino-American wags and humorists say that if the senators that composed the majority of the SET were not Kenkoys, Kikay and Kiko, then they should have seated Koko Pimentel in the Senate while waiting for Mr. Zoo-biri, oops, Zubiri’s counter-protest to run its course. That should have been the Solomonic decision if the senators involved have heard of King Solomon and his wisdom and common sense. But all the five senators showed only their taste for nonsense.

Migs Zubiri, an Arroyo Administration candidate, claimed that he was cheated in more than 73,000 precincts all over the country.

And judging from a
June 4, 2010, resolution handed down by the SET, the election controversy is bound to drag on till the end of Migs Zubiri’s questioned term and even beyond. This is because the SET ordered the scrutiny of the remaining 75% of the election results being protested by Mr. Zubiri.

The tribunal said initial revision of 25% of the results showed that more than half of the ballots cast were fake. But how could the political opposition like then-senatorial candidate Koko Pimentel produce the fake ballots when it obviously did not control the Commission on Elections (COMELEC)?

SET rules require initial scrutiny of 25% of the protested precincts to determine if there is basis to proceed with the revision of the rest of the results.

Seven of the nine SET members voted in favor of proceeding with Mr. Zubiri’s protest. The seven “klowns” were Sens.  Edgardo Angara, Richard Gordon (now termed out), Loren Legarda, Lito Lapid, and Francis “Kiko” Pangilinan, and Supreme Court Associate Justices Presbitero Velasco, Jr. and Teresita de Castro.


Now wags and humorists call the seven the “Seven (Moral) Dwarfs” with Justices Presbitero Velasco, Jr. and Teresita de Castro being labeled “Injustices” Velasco and De Castro, respectively.


Justice Carpio’s “Decenting” Opinion
B ut no less than the SET chair, Supreme Court senior Associate Justice Antonio Carpio disagreed with the tribunal’s ruling.

Associate Justice Carpio issued a strongly-worded but very-decent dissenting opinion that dismissed as “utterly baseless” the majority’s claim of more-than 50% spurious ballots.

Justice Carpio said the SET’s own tabulation showed that only 2% of the revisited ballots were found to be fake.

From the initial 25%, Mr. Zubiri recovered less than 12,000 votes and is expected to get not more than 46,000 in all his protested precincts.

Justice Carpio said it’s clear from the tribunal’s own tabulation that Koko Pimentel posted an insurmountable lead over Mr. Zubiri.


To her tribute and good sense, Sen. Pia Cayetano also voted against continuing with Mr. Zubiri’s protest.


Kapalmuks” and “Kapalmigs”


N ow many Senate employees are rolling with laughter, as some of them claim that the Zubiri counter-protest has resulted in the renaming of a Filipino colloquial term, “Kapalmuks.” It means in English “thick-skinned.” They say that nowadays the Senate term is “Kapalmigs” or in other words, “without any shame at all.”

Now, humorists say that the Senate’s official theme song is 'Send in the Clowns' . . . 


Editor’s Note: To listen again to Sally Ann Howes’ immortal rendition of the song, please click this link,

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T he Senate employees also ask if there is truth to the rumor that Mr. Zubiri wants to emulate then Sen. John F. Kennedy and write also his version of the American solon’s “Profiles of Courage.” The rumor says that Mr. Zubiri plans to write an account of his counter-protest and call his book, “Profits of Courage.”


By the way, it is the same Kiko Pangilinan, who became the subject of a June 2007 satire written by this website’s editor, Kiko, Kikays and Kenkoys Turn Kalayaan 2007 into a Komedy of Errors


The title was such a hit that this writer chose to copy – with the permission of the editor – the copyrighted phrase as the sub-headline of this instant satire. But readers are advised to read the 2007 satire with caution, as they may die laughing while browsing it. # # #

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Last Updated on Saturday, 26 January 2013 08:09
Comments (5)
yes i will.

On Fri, Aug 20, 2010 at 8:56 AM, < This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it > wrote:

Dear Ms. Anita and Friends:

Please share with your mailing lists this new satire:

Is the Philippine Senate Now a Zoo-biri?


Laughter is guaranteed, starting with its sub-head: How Kiko, his Fellow Kenkoys and Kikays Turned the Koko Protest into a Komedy of Errors

LOL. And more LOL.


Goliath Letterman
Senior "Funny" Writer
2 Friday, 20 August 2010 09:29
Folks, my take on Zubiri and stalling is not getting delivered properly. So I am sending you what I had written.

Regards, Emma


Koko Pimentel's ascendancy as senator of the republic is having rough sailing simply because Miguel Zubiri does not concede that easily. And the more the latter stalls, the greater the disenchantment of the people over his character.

Unfortunately, the Senate Electoral Tribunal is also at fault here. It
does not provide safeguards for immediate implementation of what
otherwise is a correction of the travesty of justice in our midst. It
simply allows itself to coast along and let the tide of bureaucratic
papers get black and roll out day after day. How much does it cost to maintain the SET daily? And so its members are contributing to those huge expenditures that end up in wasted labor-hours, supplies and equipment.

Meanwhile we still see a lot of vagrants roaming around, families living on carts, and hobos sleeping on the sidewalks, nighttime workers sleeping on corners or pavements of buildings, among

I hope that our legislators would be more conscious about their
spending the people's money for bureaucratic procedures that result in wastage. We had a lot of that in the past administrations. Now, we need a new perspective in doing government work. Speed, efficiency, relevance, and pro-masses: these are what we expect from our officials.

Meanwhile, let us appeal to Miguel Zubiri to kindly vacate his seat
now so that we can have peace in our land. So long as he holds on to his position we feel edgy, anxious, and disappointed that what are
so-called honorable seats are being appropriated by people whose
mandate did not come from us. In other words, the seats are being
invalidated as the people's creation, the product of the people's
political action.

This is tantamount to treason I think, when a person begins to
appropriate what is otherwise the people's property. Yes, we own all
the government posts and those we elect to them are just mere
caretakers who should provide us the necessary services for our humane living in this society. Terefore, Miguel Zubiri has to know that his continued stay is no longer acceptable to us.

Maybe we should start having stickers and posters all around the

Does Miguel Zubiri want that? He will be disgracing his family and his whole lineage by sticking to what is not his. And his party most of all
shall be smeared as a thief of government positions not worthwhile
maintaining in our political arena.

Need we say more?
3 Friday, 20 August 2010 13:24
Dear Editor:

The right idiomatic expression is "The Senate is now a circus," especially since your writer mentioned the clowns among the senators. But I could not blame him for he tried a punning exercise on "Zoo-biri." Nice try.


4 Friday, 20 August 2010 13:35
Dear Professor and Poet-pundit Fred Burce Bunao:

How right you are. We will make the necessary editing changes.

Thank you, our Dear Literary Mentor,


The Editor
These "honorable" men who sit in the upper house are supposedly elected BY the people - were it not for the infamous magic of Arroyo, her henchman Garci, and the Ampatuans. in the 2007 elections.

Miguel Zubiri, with the help of Senators Edgardo Angara, Richard Gordon, Loren Legarda, Lito Lapid, Francis Pangilinan, and Supreme Court Associate Justices Presbitero Velasco Jr. and Teresita de Castro, has perpetrated this blatant travesty on the people of the Philippines.

Remember those names.

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