How Kiko, his Fellow Kenkoys and Kikays Turned the Koko Protest into a Komedy of Errors

A Satire by Goliath Letterman

A ccording to Filipino-American wags and pundits, it appears that the Philippine Senate is no longer an august body with members acting with the dignity of elderly statesmen like a Claro M. Recto or a Lorenzo Tañada or a Quintin Paredes or an Isabelo de los Reyes or a Jose W. Diokno, a Raul Roco or an Aquilino Q. Pimentel, Jr. The humorists say that it is now functioning like a zoo, as evidenced by its handling of the Zoo-biri, oops Zubiri electoral counter-protest, if not as a political circus that is complete with clowns.

The Senate Electoral Tribunal (SET) voted during the last 14^th Congress to recount over 75% of 73,000 precincts nationwide in the 2007 senatorial elections, after Juan Miguel “Migs” Zubiri filed a counter-protest to an electoral complaint filed by Atty. Aquilino “Koko” Pimentel, III.

The SET voted to do the recount, which could last beyond Migs Zubiri’s term that ends in 2013, even if it was already proven that Mr. Pimentel won over Juan Miguel Zubiri in the polls.

With just a little over a plurality of 18,000 votes, Juan Miguel Zubiri snatched the last spot in the 2007 senatorial elections from Aquilino “Koko” Pimentel, III.

But Migs Zubiri’s lead was promptly erased and even surpassed when the SET reviewed the election results on the basis of an election protest filed by Mr. Pimentel.

Official SET documents showed Mr. Pimentel recovered more than 257,000 votes from more than 2,600 precincts in Maguindanao, Lanao del Norte and Sur, Shariff Kabunsuan, Sultan Kudarat, Sulu and Basilan.

But while Mr. Pimentel’s apparent win was established by the tribunal way back in 2008, he could not be proclaimed because Migs Zubiri filed a counter protest.

No Solomon in the Senate?

T he Filipino-American wags and humorists say that if the senators that composed the majority of the SET were not Kenkoys, Kikay and Kiko, then they should have seated Koko Pimentel in the Senate while waiting for Mr. Zoo-biri, oops, Zubiri’s counter-protest to run its course. That should have been the Solomonic decision if the senators involved have heard of King Solomon and his wisdom and common sense. But all the five senators showed only their taste for nonsense.

Migs Zubiri, an Arroyo Administration candidate, claimed that he was cheated in more than 73,000 precincts all over the country.

And judging from a June 4, 2010, resolution handed down by the SET, the election controversy is bound to drag on till the end of Migs Zubiri’s questioned term and even beyond. This is because the SET ordered the scrutiny of the remaining 75% of the election results being protested by Mr. Zubiri.

The tribunal said initial revision of 25% of the results showed that more than half of the ballots cast were fake. But how could the political opposition like then-senatorial candidate Koko Pimentel produce the fake ballots when it obviously did not control the Commission on Elections (COMELEC)?

SET rules require initial scrutiny of 25% of the protested precincts to determine if there is basis to proceed with the revision of the rest of the results.

Seven of the nine SET members voted in favor of proceeding with Mr. Zubiri’s protest. The seven “klowns” were Sens.  Edgardo Angara, Richard Gordon (now termed out), Loren Legarda, Lito Lapid, and Francis “Kiko” Pangilinan, and Supreme Court Associate Justices Presbitero Velasco, Jr. and Teresita de Castro.

Now wags and humorists call the seven the “Seven (Moral) Dwarfs” with Justices Presbitero Velasco, Jr. and Teresita de Castro being labeled “Injustices” Velasco and De Castro, respectively.

Justice Carpio’s “Decenting” Opinion
 
B ut no less than the SET chair, Supreme Court senior Associate Justice Antonio Carpio disagreed with the tribunal’s ruling.

Associate Justice Carpio issued a strongly-worded but very-decent dissenting opinion that dismissed as “utterly baseless” the majority’s claim of more-than 50% spurious ballots.

Justice Carpio said the SET’s own tabulation showed that only 2% of the revisited ballots were found to be fake.

From the initial 25%, Mr. Zubiri recovered less than 12,000 votes and is expected to get not more than 46,000 in all his protested precincts.

Justice Carpio said it’s clear from the tribunal’s own tabulation that Koko Pimentel posted an insurmountable lead over Mr. Zubiri.

To her tribute and good sense, Sen. Pia Cayetano also voted against continuing with Mr. Zubiri’s protest.

“Kapalmuks” and “Kapalmigs”

N ow many Senate employees are rolling with laughter, as some of them claim that the Zubiri counter-protest has resulted in the renaming of a Filipino colloquial term, “Kapalmuks.” It means in English “thick-skinned.” They say that nowadays the Senate term is “Kapalmigs” or in other words, “without any shame at all.”

Now, humorists say that the Senate’s official theme song is 'Send in the Clowns' . . . 

Editor’s Note: To listen again to Sally Ann Howes’ immortal rendition of the song, please click this link,

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T he Senate employees also ask if there is truth to the rumor that Mr. Zubiri wants to emulate then Sen. John F. Kennedy and write also his version of the American solon’s “Profiles of Courage.” The rumor says that Mr. Zubiri plans to write an account of his counter-protest and call his book, “Profits of Courage.”

By the way, it is the same Kiko Pangilinan, who became the subject of a June 2007 satire written by this website’s editor, Kiko, Kikays and Kenkoys Turn Kalayaan 2007 into a Komedy of Errors

The title was such a hit that this writer chose to copy – with the permission of the editor – the copyrighted phrase as the sub-headline of this instant satire. But readers are advised to read the 2007 satire with caution, as they may die laughing while browsing it. # # #