My “Deaf (sic) Throat” in the House of Representatives e-mailed me a report that La Gloria (Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo) spent quality hours in teaching fellow neophyte Congressman Manny Pacquiao (RMP) the fine art of parliamentary procedure. (I call my informant not “Deep Throat” a la the Watergate Scandal’s whistle blower but “Deaf Throat,” as my contact in Philippine Congress is hard of hearing.)

While she was the President, GMA got to befriend Manny Pacquiao, who paid a courtesy call at Malacañang Palace every time he won a boxing bout in the United States. Mr. Pacquiao also invited First Gentleman Mike Arroyo to witness his fights abroad.

News Flash: Here is YouTube video posted by Romeo P. Marquez about the Manny-Pacquiao t-shirts being sold and displayed in Toronto, Canada: &feature=channel href="/&feature=channel" mce_href="/&feature=channel">&feature=channel

In any case, here is my Deaf Throat’s account of how La Gloria conducted the teaching session with El Pacquiao . . .

RGMA started the session by asking Manny Pacquiao if he knew anything about parliamentary procedure.

“I thought that Congress has not decided yet to adopt the parliamentary form of government. Why teach me ‘parliamentary procedure’?” El Pacquiao asks.

La Gloria explains that parliamentary procedure is just the term for the body of rules, ethics, and customs governing meetings and other operations of clubs, organizations and legislative bodies.

El Pacquiao says that he is an expert in night clubs and gentlemen’s clubs where he gets lap dances. La Gloria says “Not those kinds of clubs.”

“Oh, the rules of conduct in Congress,” El Pacquiao says.

Now, La Gloria asks if he knows how to address the august body.

“Yes,” RMP says. “I have to begin the address by saying ‘Mr. Speaker and Dear Colleges’ . . .”

La Gloria corrects El Pacquiao by telling him that it is “colleague” and not “college.”

RMP says, “But is it not ‘colleague’ singular and ‘colleges' plural?”

La Gloria smiles and tells El Pacquiao to just use “My Dear Colleagues.” She then asks if he is familiar with bills.

“If there are any bills, I will just tell the Speaker to pay them immediately,” El Pacquiao replies.

La Gloria smiles again and tells him that it is about filing legislative bills and not the statements from creditors.

Mr. Pacquiao says that he has already two proposed bills: A bill to propagate the carabao (water buffalo) and save it as an endangered species and another bill to propagate “Carabao English,” so as to replace the “Taglish” being used Tagalog speakers of English.

La Gloria smiles again and asks RMP if he knows how to do a “Privilege Speech.”

El Pacquiao exclaims, “What, can we spit in the hall of Congress?”

RGMA explains that it is speech and not a spit. But she says that she will teach him later how to do it.

RMP is then asked if he has decided on the committees that he wanted to join. La Gloria says that El Pacquiao has good credentials to become a member of the House Committee on Education, Sports and Culture.

“Yes, I can join it,” RMP says, “After all I like my Ph.D.”

“You have a Ph. D.?” La Gloria asks.

“Yes, I like Pizza Hut delivery,” El Pacquiao replies. “I learned the meaning of Ph. D. in Los Angeles.”

Editor’s Note: To read more about the meaning of Ph. D., please click this link, A Parable of the Filipino Ph.D. in Beverly Hills

R GMA smiles and then says that Mr. Pacquiao can join several House committees.

“I want also to be appointed a member of the House Committee on Foreign Affairs,” Manny Pacquiao says.

La Gloria asks why in heaven’s name El Pacquiao would want to join the Committee on Foreign Affairs.

“I am an expert on having affairs in foreign soil,” El Pacquiao reasons out. “Yes, affairs with many women of different nationalities, race or color. I have done that.”

RGMA smiles again. Then she says, “The Committee deals with relations with foreign countries. For instance, it deals with the current dispute over the Gaza Strip between Israel and Turkey.”

“Oh, I will like that dispute over the strip-tease joint called the Gaza,” El Pacquiao says.

“Hold on, Manny,” La Gloria says. “You have to be familiar with Turkey first.”

El Pacquiao says, “Turkey is my second favorite after chicken.”

“How about the crisis in Greece,” La Gloria asks.

“Well, if you barbecue both the chicken and the turkey, there will be no grease,” El Pacquiao answers.

At this point, La Gloria cries like she has never cried before. # # #