Sections Humor & Satire Marriage Blues
| Marriage Blues |
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| Sections - Humor & Satire | |||
| Saturday, 25 August 2007 11:02 | |||
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E rnie Delfin of Fountain Valley, Southern California, posted online today his collection of words of wisdom for and about marriages and spouses. Mr. Delfin is presently the highest-ranking Filipino-American Rotarian in Southern California. He is also the president of the Filipino-American Chamber of Commerce of Orange County, California. He writes for the Asian Journal of San Diego, CA, and before, with the Philippine Star newspaper of Manila, Philippines. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. -Hemant Joshi By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. -Dumas The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" -Sigmund Freud I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. -Anonymous "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." -Patrick Murray
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once ... -Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." - Anonymous First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." -Anonymous. And the editor of the www.mabuhayradio.com adds this note: There is no truth to the rumor that soon-to-be-defrocked Filipino-American Catholic priest, the Rev. Rodney Rodis, of Virginia, supposedly said: "I want to have a wife but whose wife it is, I do not know." Father Rodis is facing charges of embezzling more-than $600,000 from his parish and for actually maintaining a wife and children in another county in Virginia. There is also no truth to the rumor that when asked why he took a wife, Father Rodis said allegedly: "Virginia is for lovers." And of course there is that South-African golfer, a winner of many P.G.A. tournaments, who said: "I was happily married for four months. But the problem was that the marriage lasted for two years." And my friend, Natividad Caperiña-Francia, posted in Facebook today, July 7, 2013, some notes allegedly from The MARRIAGE DICTIONARY.. And finally, remember that joke posted by the www.mabuhayradio’s Jesse Jose in his column, "A Cup o’ Kapeng Barako"? Mr. Jose told of a bachelor who was diagnosed of suffering from malignant cancer. The physician told him that he had approximately six months to live. The patient asked the doctor what else he could do. The physician suggested that the patient get married to an ugly woman who is also a nagger. The patient asked if marrying that kind of a woman would cure him. The doctor said that the patient would still die but at least he would welcome an early death. (To read more of Jesse Jose’s Filipino jokes, please go to http://www.mabuhayradio.com/content/view/251/90/.) As Ernie Delfin, Jesse Jose and the staff of www.mabuhayradio would like to say, "Smile and have a happy weekend . . ." # # #
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Quote of the Day
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"--John Mendoza
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married.
A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China , a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through HELL for her.
They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
15. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
16. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America , the rest cheat in Europe .
17. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin.
They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
18. Marriage is when a man and a woman become one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
19. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
20. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
21. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
22. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
23. A man was complaining to a friend:
I HAD IT ALL, MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE.
WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend.
He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
24. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
25. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another:
AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER?
The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
26. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
27. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
28. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED.
The next day he received hundreds of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
29. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is new.
As forwarded by Gil Vargas:
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.' ;
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________
WHEN A WOMEN STEALS YOUR HUSBAND,
THERE IS NO BETTER REVENGE THAN TO
LET HER KEEP HIM.
__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married.
Then she is finished.
__________
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
________
A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage,
men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
_________
AND NOW FOR MY FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut up."