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Jun 27th
Home Sections Humor & Satire Philippine Government Agencies See Some Problems If Grace Poe Is Elected President
Philippine Government Agencies See Some Problems If Grace Poe Is Elected President PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Bobby M. Reyes   
Wednesday, 17 September 2014 20:54

However Poets and Bishops Like a Grace Poe Presidency

A Satire by Lolo Bobby M. Reyes of Bacon-Sorsogon (Bac-Sor) City

Dateline Sept. 18, 2014, via the Coconut News Network (

S enator Grace Poe is still reluctant in accepting a now-increasing popular move to draft her as the presidential candidate of the ruling Liberal Party and/or a coalition of political parties. However, some Filipino government bureaucrats already anticipate many problems if she is elected the President in the May 2016 elections.

All the spokespersons of Philippine-government agencies that were interviewed by CNNkuno reporters requested anonymity as they are not authorized yet to comment on the probable Grace Poe presidency. 

A Philippine National Police (PNP) spokesman said that if Senator Poe is elected the President and she becomes very popular and efficient, people may demand that "police" be spelled as "poelice." He said that it would entail a lot of work and a huge expenditure to change the PNP logo, uniform patches, badges, stationery and other printed materials.

A spokesperson of the Philippine Amusement and Gaming Corporation (PAGCOR) said that the 13-card poker game called "Pusoy" may become so popular during a Poe presidency that its players may rename it as "Poesoy." It may displace the Texas Hold'em Poker and cause repercussions in the Philippine participation in the Poker World Series in Las Vegas, Nevada. Poesoy, oops, pusoy is not yet an official casino game.

In the meantime, officials of the Department of Agriculture met with the National Language Institute (NLI) and the Department of Education (DepEd) people to discuss the changes in spelling of some Philippine produce and terms in case Ms. Poe is indeed elected the President. For instance, "Upo," the Filipino version of the white squash or "bottle gourd" (as it is called in the United States), may be renamed by popular demand as "Upoe." Why even the "kamote" would be called perhaps as "sweet poetato." And former U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle (of the "potatoe" fame) may object to the Philippine spelling. Some NLI officials echoed the belief of the Bureau of Fisheries officials that squid may be called in the vernacular as "poesit." And DepEd officials say that even chemical names like potassium would perhaps have a new spelling, "poetassium."They all said that a Grace Poe presidency is bad for the country as it may result in the editing of Filipino textbooks and publications. They allege that the cost of printing new editions will disrupt their annual budgets. Why, they claimed that the country cannot afford a Poe presidency.

A spokesman of the Philippine postal service said that people may demand that post offices be renamed "poest offices" and foreign tourists may get confused by the new spelling.

Meanwhile, officers of the Philippine Constitution Association (PHILCONSA) say that a Grace Poe presidency may wreck the long-established separation of church and state. They fear that the hymn "Amazing Grace" may become the unofficial national anthem of the Philippines. They say that a Grace Poe presidency may be bad for Philippine democracy in that manner.

B ut according to a member of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP), it will be good if "Amazing Grace" becomes the most-popular hymn or tune in the Philippines. He said that it may lead to a spiritual revival among the people. He also predicts that a very-popular President Grace Poe will prompt children to use the most-respectful "Opoe," oops, "Opo" instead of the informal "Oo" when they say "Yes" in reply to yes-or-no questions.

And finally, a Central Bank spokesman said that CB officials fear that should a President Grace Poe lead and achieve an "economic miracle", eliminate poverty, raise the standard of education and the quality of life, her admirers may stage an EDSA Revolution-like demonstration to change the name of the country to "Poelippines" and the currency to "poesos". The CB spokesman say that it will be very expensive to replace all the paper currency and even the minted coins.

As the debate on the possible effects of a Grace Poe presidency continues, Filipino poets like the idea of her running for the presidency. A poet laureate (who preferred to remain anonymous) says that a Poe presidency may usher in a "Golden Age of Filipino Poe-try", oops, Poetry. He predicts that a Poe presidency will be like poetry in motion. # # #

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 17 September 2014 21:23

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