A Spoof of Rodel E. Rodis’s Dec. 17, 2007, Column, as published in the Philippine Nuisance publication, the NaFFAA_forum@yahoogroups.com and soon in the www.rodel50.blogspot.com.

The Santa Claus of the National Federation of Filipino-American Associations (NaFFAA) will have more problems delivering gifts to kids all over the Filipino world this Christmas because the federation’s headquarters in Washington, DC, is melting away. It is melting because the NaFFAA national executive officers (NEOs) are sweating so much. They are sweating because they are facing criminal-and-civil prosecution over alleged financial misconduct committed supposedly by many of its NEOs in San Jose, San Francisco, San Diego and, Santisima, even in San Vegas, oops, Las Vegas?

Editor’s Note: This was intended for release on Dec. 28, 2007, Niños Inocentes Day. It is the Filipino equivalent of April Fools’ Day. But this editor nearly died laughing while editing it  . . . 

The NaFFAA hired worker elves to help the federation’s Santa Claus, Snow White(wash) and her NaFFAA’s Seven Dwarfs deliver the gifts but the elves are virtually homeless.

According to a new scientific study, the frozen sea ice within the Arctic Circle could disappear entirely by 2040 and this compounds the NaFFAA’s Santa-Claus problem with his Artic-based elves. 

It is getting hotter not only in the Arctic regions but also in the NaFFAA headquarters because of the non-stop protests of a crazy troublemaker named Bobby Reyes. This NaFFAA critic has been pushing the phenomenon known as “conduct change” AKA “Global Warning.”

Reyes has been warning since May 2002 the online world and Filipinos all over the Earth that the NaFFAA-sponsored Global Filipino Networking conferences are but rackets. And Reyes says that the NaFFAA NEOs do not even know how to play tennis.

Despite the NEO’s repeated insistence that “conduct change” is "unproven conjecture" (contrary to the position of the humor industry, which produced Reyes and his literary mentor, Poet-pundit Fred Burce Bunao, among other Filipino wags), more than 10,000 Filipinos from some 190 countries around the world will gather in Baliwag, Bulacan, for two weeks in early January of 2008 to discuss the reality of “conduct change.”

Even before the Baliwag Conference begins, Filipino social scientists from all over the world, including the US, were already unified in their view that “conduct change” would indeed have to take place and that the Filipino world needs to act now before it is too late to tackle the problem.

The conference venue is significant because, as a Manila Times columnist noted, “The NaFFAA is like a tropical forest that is being raped and the carbon released by the sweating of its NEOs — much of it from illegal conduct — has made its headquarters one of the biggest sources of laughing-gas emissions in Washington, DC.”

The Philippines will be a major source of discussion at the Baliwag Conference after several activists groups released a report citing the Philippines as one of the world's top corrupt countries. Unless there is “conduct change” in the NaFFAA and other Filipino-American associations, Filipino corrupt officials would claim that Overseas-Filipino leaders would not be able to fight corruption in the homeland if their own national federation’s NEOs were also corrupt.

The natural financial disasters inflicted on the Philippines were always exacerbated by man-made calamities like illegal gambling, which deprive the country of valuable resources.

The Baliwag Conference delegates will call on the Philippines to pass the ATIC Bill, which may be sponsored by Sen. Dick Gordon, which has in various forms languished in the Philippine Congress for many years now. The bill will actively promote the development of the tenets of accountability, transparency, integrity and credibility; and address the issue of “conduct change.”

But in one way, the NaFFAA NEOs may be able to help the Philippines develop renewable energy sources in the country like wind power. The way that the NaFFAA NEOs have been bragging about the thousands of Filipino-American associations that have joined the federation would be major source of “wind power.”

In reality, the NaFFAA has managed to recruit less-than 170 associations, instead of the 3,000 entities that the NEOs bragged to have joined it. And Poet-pundit Bunao said that the NaFFAA NEOs thought that their wind was beneath their wigs . . . 

Jasper Inventor of Greenpeace said allegedly, “The country should utilize its massive renewable-energy potential. The NaFFAA’s windbags can dramatically increase the Philippines' wind-energy potential that can reach up to more than 70,000 MW.”

In the meantime, a much-respected Filipino-American father of Baby Boomers, Apo Satur Respicio, of Hercules, California, commented that, “Perhaps, Santa Claus should turn in his red coat-and-trousers outfit for green trunks. And instead of reindeers, replace them with tamaraws pulling bamboo constructed-and-slatted sleds. And make the fastness of Mina de Oro Island his headquarters, the rest of the year. And taglisize his name to Ka Nikulas.” Ka Nikulas being aided by Loida Nicolas-Lewis AKA Snow White(wash) and her NaFFAA’s Seven Dwarfs? That will be the Christmas-Eve gift distribution to watch!

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