By Goliath Letterman

(No Relations to David Letterman)

Dateline Los Angeles, California, April 12, 2011

T wo Filipino-American woman leaders of the National Federation of Filipino-American Associations (NaFFAA) are said to be the relatives of Russian cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin. The duo reportedly would celebrate tonight the 50th anniversary of his unprecedented trip to outer space. Fifty years ago today, Yuri Gagarin became the first man to experience the wonders of the Cosmos.

The Fil-Am woman leaders who are said to be the kin of Yuri Gagarin are Lorna Dietz (of San Francisco, California) and Lourdes Corrales (of Jersey City, New Jersey). The NaFFAA rivals of these two beautiful ladies have pointed out the duo’s alleged ties to the Russian cosmonaut for the said woman leaders apparently maintain the reputation of being “mga Gaga rin.”

Reportedly the duo would spend chatting for one-hour and 48-minutes today (the exact time that Yuri Gagarin orbited Earth on April 12, 1961). He became famous worldwide as the symbol of then-Union of Socialist Soviet Republics' (U.S.S.R.) notable space “first” before the United States grabbed the upper hand in the Space Race by sending astronauts to the Moon in 1969. Colonel Gagarin died in 1968 in a fighter jet crash at age 34.
 

Ms. Dietz and Ms. Corrales allegedly hope to repeat their Filipino version, “Pinsan Kami” of Colonel Gagarin's most-famous utterance as his space capsule took flight. Yuri Gagarin shouted "Poyekhali" (Russian for "Off we go!").

It is not true, however, that certain NaFFAA regional officers from New York have been saying that Ms. Dietz and Ms. Corrales are also the Filipino-American relatives of Lady Gaga. There is no truth to the rumor that the same NaFFAA officers have been calling Ms. Dietz with a term of endearment of “Ate Gaga” and Ms. Corrales as “Manang Gaga.”

But it was our editor, Bobby Reyes, who first reported on Aug. 13, 2009, that several NaFFAA regional officers had been alleging that Ms. Dietz is of Russian descent. At that time, Ms. Dietz did not protest at all the article that talked of her alleged Russian ancestry. Mr. Reyes then presumed that the NaFFAA rumor that Ms. Dietz has Russian blood to be true. Inquisitive readers may like to browse what Mr. Reyes wrote about Ms. Dietz in this article, NaFFAA’s “The Good, the Bud and the Ungodly”  

It was also Mr. Reyes who pointed out that many of the NaFFAA national executive officers like Ms. Corrales (who used to be its national treasurer) or former National Chairman Greg McCabenta allegedly have European blood. For their critics claimed that they also represent the NATO (as in "No Action, Talk Only").

E ditor’s Note: This article was supposed to have been published on April 1, 2011, which was April Fools’ Day. But this editor thought the jokes about Ms. Dietz and Ms. Corrales being disseminated by their NaFFAA regional rivals were not humorous enough. However, since this website observes absolute freedom of the press, he could not do anything but allow Mr. Letterman to publish this satirical piece. He hopes that readers will not find this satire boring or corny. # # #