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Jun 26th
Home Sections Humor & Satire Vatican to Launch New "Pizza-Outreach Program Everywhere" (P.O.P.E.) in the Philippines
Vatican to Launch New "Pizza-Outreach Program Everywhere" (P.O.P.E.) in the Philippines PDF Print E-mail
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Sections - Humor & Satire
Written by Bobby M. Reyes   
Monday, 01 April 2013 07:26

Dateline Los AngelesCaliforniaApril 1, 2015, Coconut News Network (CNN Kuno), 2014 “Niños Inocentes” Lampoon Edition. A report says that the Holy Father wants to convert the commercial buildings at the Sts. Peter & Paul Cathedral into "Papa Francis Pizza" (PFP) franchise stores complete with an Italian restaurant and a winery (in Sorsogon City, Philippines), in partnership with the Diocese of Sorsogon & Sen. Francis "Chiz" Escudero. The PF pizza parlor's grand opening is allegedly set for April 1, 2016.

The update says that the papal move to open a "Papa Francis" pizza parlor is based on this story Datelined Los Angeles, CA, April 1, 2013, April Fools' Day Special Edition of the Coconut News Network (CNN Kuno)

By Lolo Bobby M. Reyes of Sorsogon City, Philippines, and West Covina, CA, U.S.A.

T he Vatican is set to announce today, Easter Monday, a world-wide campaign by Pope Francis, the First, to eradicate hunger in the world. The new Pope plans to turn parishes into soup kitchens and pizza parlors with salad bars. Vatican observers say that it is a brilliant move, as some of the parishes in Europe and in the United States attract few worshipers nowadays; in fact there are no assigned priests in some of them, as the clergy is becoming an endangered species. The new Pope probably believes in the adage that "the easiest way to a man's heart is through the stomach."

To fund the world-wide battle against hunger, the Vatican will organize a chain of for-profit restaurants that will be called "Papa Francis Pizza." Franchises will also be sold to interested parties. The "Papa Francis" pizza parlors will come with a salad bar that will feature fresh vegetables from the
"Garden of Gethsemane" and/or the "Organic Garden of Eden," which have also been registered as brand names and trademarks. Wines will also be made available to patrons who are above 21-years old and they will feature private labels from the "Cana Winery," which has also been registered by the Vatican. All the profits of course will be plowed back to providing food supplies, especially pizza, soup and salads, to the starving masses.

There is also a report (subject to confirmation) about the Vatican plans to launch a series of steak houses under the trademark of "Papal Bull Steak." To non-Catholics,
a "papal bull" is a particular type of letters or charter issued by a Pope. It is named after the lead seal (bulla) that is affixed to the said  document signed by a Pope, as authenticated by the Vatican. To be verified also is the rumor that its slogan will be "Yes, a yummy separation between church and steak."

Sources in the Vatican say, however, that the Order of Preachers (Latin: Ordo Praedicatorum) will be allowed to organize a separate chain of restaurants under the trademark of "Dominican Pizza," as it is more commonly known after the 15th century as the "Dominican Order." A Roman wag says that it would be a brilliant move, as customers will easily remember the catchy phrase "Dominican Order Pizza" and equate "Dominican" with "ordering pizza."

The established pizza chains of restaurants under the brand names of "Papa John" and "Domino's" have so far refused to comment on these developments.

Pope Francis I plans also to instruct cardinals, bishops and prelates to sell their luxury vehicles and use the proceeds to acquire "food trucks," so that their respective dioceses and archdioceses can participate in the P.O.P.E

Support from the Philippines

As the news about the P.O.P.E. Initiative reached the Philippines, the only Catholic country in Asia, former President Joseph "Erap" Ejercito Estrada was so moved allegedly by the latest step of Pope Francis to eradicate, if not minimize, hunger in the world. Erap, who is now a candidate for mayor of Manila, vowed that if elected, he would donate all the eight mansions he has provided his alleged mistresses to the Sisters of Charity and convert them to food-processing plants for the P.O.P.E. He suggests that these food-manufacturing facilities produce "Nun-fattening foods." When told that the correct spelling is "None-fattening," Erap allegedly replied: "It is 'Same, same.' The spirit of giving, and not the spelling, is important." # # #

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 31 March 2015 16:45
Comments (2)
1 Thursday, 27 June 2013 19:23
If you missed the jokes that I posted earlier on Facebook about Sen. Francis Escudero, here's the first one: Did you know that Senator Escudero is the most-popular member of the PH Senate? Why? Whenever the senators pose for an official photograph, all of them say, "Chiz."
2 Thursday, 27 June 2013 19:23
Here's the second one. Did you know that Sen. Francis Escudero is the most-popular public official among customers of MacDonald's & other fast-food chains? Why? Their favorite order is "Chizburger." Now soon, there will be "Chiz pizza." :-)

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